Bingo Army

First of all, may Jerry "Snowman" Reed rest in piece. An immense talent under the direction of the great Hal Needham and not even Sally Field looked as good next to Burt "Buddy" Reynolds.

Next, Feist is the official soundtrack of the bike ride into work this week. It's just the perfect amount of chill to slowly remove the cob webs at 6:50 AM. Plus, it calms me. Speaking of calm, I've started making my bed every morning again. This is a really good sign. I only do that when I'm feeling content with life in general. I don't know why I'm content, but I never question these things. It could be all the CW that I've been watching. I watched Gossip Girl the other night and I'm totally gay for 90210: Redux.

Third, the reason I'm posting. I recently moved from my office that smelled of a Salvation Army dust aroma because it's where they did most of the research in the late 50's while creating the plans for a particle accelerator. At least that's what my grandpa said about the building. It has no connection to the smell besides it just being a really fuckin' old building. Regardless, it was gross and not cutely vintage. So, I got cubed and haven't been happier in a long time with my work situation. Lots of desk space. Little storage space. This resulted in me getting rid of a lot of accumulated crap.

So, my own private world is good, however, there are new people to not play well with. One that I've picked out in just 48 hours is the woman that matches me toe-to-toe with a meal to each cup of coffee that I have. That's three by noon, by the way. She keeps offering me food every time I go grab a cup of coffee. I may have to trick her into getting shoved into an oven a la Hansel and Gretel before this is all over.

Speaking of Hansel and Gretel, I was in a musical of it when I was seven or eight. I still remember the song "I'm Your Big Brother" from it. To be truthful, it was an elementary arrangement and the word choices were horrible, but whatevs. I think my dad has a videotape of it somewhere for blackmail in the event that I ever run for public office. Oh, so instead of shoving the witch into the oven like in the book, they had me kiss her at the end. The kiss made her good, I believe. Now, do you see the warping of a child mind that happened? I was ruined for life. I believed (like 80% of the female population) that my kiss could change a witch (person) into a princess Something good). That's fucked up to do to a kid. The kiss should have made her melt so that I could take that forward in life to POint A.25.

So, back to Bingo Arm. As I look around, if I took everyone in the room from door A to door B and tried to put them into an elevator, there would be no chance. Furthermore, if you put me on a plane next to Bingo Arm, I would go for the emergency exit as a shock induced death would take way less time and be way less painful than being smashed into an airplane window next to a woman like that for any amount of time. On top of that, I would avoid having a gravy/butter hybrid of sweat dousing me. I'd also like to add that it is the same lady in charge of the annual cakewalk. I think I may be able to have a little bit of fun with this a la the voice activated copier prank of 2008. Six fuckin' people yelled at the copier that day to my amusement and only three people in the department knew I did it because I told them I was going to. I think the first prank I will try is laying some faux food out like a styrofoam turkey leg and see if she tries to eat it. From there, I'll figure out what makes her tick and exploit it. It's what I do.

So, yes. I love my new cauge.