Today

Last night we had counseling together. I felt it went well. A weird version of well, but well. We both have problems as individuals, so of course it is hard for us to work as a team. We talked in the parking lot for a little bit afterwards and she said "Thank You" and "I appreciate it" a lot. We have individual counseling in the meantime and a joint appointment in two weeks.

She is moving out Memorial Day weekend and her new lease starts next week, so it seems like she has made up her mind of what she needs to do, but we are still not filing papers. I wrote her a check for her half of the joint savings account and she is not using our joint checking account as a courtesy. She can if she really needs too, however, she has reopened her old credit union account and is using that as much as possible.

After the session, it's been suggested that I get screened for alcohol abuse. The question they use to determine if you abuse alcohol is whether you have had more than 5 drinks at a sitting in the past 3 months. Guilty as charged, but I am wary of the Jesus aspect in AA and not really fired up on having a sponsor and none of it guarantees getting my wife back. So...

Also, it has been suggested that I go to the doctor and get checked out. I've lost 25 pounds in 3 weeks and it's been suggested that if I can't start eating, I should go on meds. Not into that either, so for now I am like a fat Karen Carpenter without the voice. Plus, if I was to go on meds, I'd rather just drink it's way more socially acceptable and fun. Ate lunch today to spite the haters. Two pieces of pizza and a Diet Coke.

I have been waking up at 4:00 AM every morning now for 3 weeks. It is no way to go through life. If it doesn't go away soon, I will have to get a paper route or something. It really sucks on Sundays because of all the Paid-Programming shows on TV. Although, there is this really good one where a man of god takes your prayer requests over the phone and then speaks in tongues.

So, now it is all about defining myself outside of the relationship and marriage. Also, need to find a new apartment and discover myself.

Goals:
-Eating
-Not Drinking
-Sleeping without Tylenol PM

Another day almost down.