Muy In Telly Hentai

I had to train a new employee on our application this morning. She cut me off constantly and breathed real heavy. That's no big deal. I can handle that. She then took the documentation that I gave her and started fanning herself. My office is freezing all the time; it couldn't possibly have been the office climate. It's seriously cryogenically cold. I thought she might have farted and was trying to fan the smell away or something. Then I saw them.

She had banana hands. I have them, so I shouldn't hate too much, but they were bigger than mine. I've never met a woman who had bigger hands than me. From the point of visual contact, I was unable to make eye contact for the rest of the training. It was extremely uncomfortable. She is also the person who called my office phone and asked "Is this your phone number?" I replied, "Yes. That's why I answer it." It made me really confused.

So, after that, I get a little bit of work done and she sends out a weird e-mail regarding the meeting out of a form letter template. I read some of it, but it got me thinking about our recruiting process in my department and I actually Googled "Socially Retarded Affirmative Action." I didn't see any pertinent results in the InterWeb, so we must have it in a low key capacity at this point; it can't just be a coincidence.

On that note, here is my latest conversation with OfficeDwight. It took place while I was getting a soda from the fridge in the break room.

"Hey, man. I saw the dumbest martial arts movie last night" he said.

I replied "Dude, there really is no such thing as a shitty martial arts movie. Where'd you see it? Local Access or something?"

"No. I got it from Netflix. I've been checking out some martial arts and Japanese Anime." He made a hip pump gesture thing at this point and I immediately felt like I walked in on my parents doing it as I realized he meant soft core Hentai. He continued "I only get the rated R ones, but I rent them for the funny translations from Japanese. I wonder if they are that funny in Japanese."

I just walked away at this point, however, I love the Netflixian/anime usage of I read Playboy for the articles. That actually was truly awesome. It's like saying that you watch porn for the cheesy music. I've actually done that, but I actually recorded the music onto an audio tape while my parents were at work and then would listen to it when I delivered pizza in high school. I wouldn't sit there and watch a porn and be like "Oh, I'm just listening to it. I'm not really watching it." Dur, dude.