You Can't Ever Go Home.

Friday, I went to the East Bay to visit Pappy. It's approximately 40 miles and it took me an hour and forty minutes to get there from the Peninsula. By the time I got to his house, I was ready to kill something. I really cannot understand how people can do that everyday. It's, perhaps, the number one reason that I'm never going to move back to the city again.

So, we go to San Ramon to The Hopyard and meet a friend from LA. It was actually really good to see her. It had been a while. She drank root beer while Pappy and I drank a pitcher of bad ideas. She bailed and Pappy and I decided to go visit Pleasanton again. That's the bad idea part. It's true that you can't ever go home. It felt like Fresno. We went to a bar in a strip mall where I guess people hang out now. After forcing down the worst Ketel & Soda that I've ever drank in my life and listening to some song that went like "Save a horse. Ride a cowboy..." we left and went to another bar in Pleasanton. It actually worked out because the bartender that Pappy had an attitude crush on was pregnant. At the second bar, we were actually there for even less time. We didn't even order a drink.

We decided to head back to Livermore to get closer to Pappy's place. We also called my little sister and asked her if she wanted to get a drink or two. She met us at the ghettoest bar ever where I tried to teach the bartender to make a lemon drop. They were horrible. He didn't understand the sugar concept of it. So, when life gives you lemons, sometimes you are just stuck with them, apparently.

We got out of there and went to AM/PM where Pappy and Ashleigh bought $40 worth of candy. Got home and slept.

I woke up the next morning and was still a little dizzy from the night before because I hadn't eaten in a while. I grabbed my sister and got coffee and took her home. Hit a gang of traffic on a Saturday trying to get home and still wasn't feeling right, but thought if I laid down that I would feel better. After an hour nap, I still felt weird, but went and got my hair did in Los Gatos.

This is where stuff gets weird. After my haircut, I went and visited my ex-in laws. Why? I have no idea. It wasn't so bad, though. I haven't seen them in a little over two years and I really liked them, so it felt all right. One of their dogs had gone blind and I found it immensely entertaining. So, I got to visit with my ex-in laws and their pets for a bit. It was nice, but I still wasn't feeling right.

From there I ran home and fell asleep during a baseball game for an hour and went to a work party at my former boss' house. It was for Oktoberfest and all of the guest's had gardeners that made more money than I do. I think some people owned their own planes. Whatever, though, there was free beer and good food. This is where it got real weird.

My boss' sister was kind of talking me up a bit and I thought it was just to get smokes from me. She's a single mom and my boss had kind of warned me about her. Plus, this lawyer was all over her. As the families started to disappear and the party started to get a little more adult, she ends up in a bikini trying to get me to go hot tubbing with her. I think she was implying suit optional, too. I let her know that that wasn't a real good idea.

An hour goes by and she returns from the hot tub and incites some other women to douse my shirt with white wine. That got my shirt off and I realized it was a full on cougar attack. I grabbed my pullover and put that on while my shirt dried. The crowd was severely thinning out at that point and I was just trying to get my stuff dry so I could get out of there in one piece when I got referred to as a "Hot, Young Stud" for the first time in my life. It was crazy and so cliched that it was ridiculous.

Anyway, I'm appealing to a new market now. I guess it's always good to broaden your demographic. Now, if I could just get the one I want to work out to work out, that would be truly awesome. For now, I guess I've got this.