Mistakes Were And Will Continue To Be Made...

So, this weekend while out in public doing research on people in general, I overheard this conversation between a bunch of women. When I say reasearch, by the way, I mean buying coffee, buying new pants and trying to ignore loudtalkers.

"Well, my boyfriend hasn't really been over to my apartment yet because I don't really like it."

Her friend replys, "My boyfriend hasn't even met my cats yet and we've been together for five months."

So, after taking in this new data and feeding it into my calculations of self-worth I realized that it's not so bad being single because it could be worse. For instance, I could have a girlfriend that has not met my cats if I had any. Q: The only thing weirder than cat ladys, by the way? A: Cat men.

Sorry, Pappy. You know better than to take things in the blog personally.

I'm officially writing down "Cat Ladys" on my dealbreakers list. It's not real high on the list because exceptions could be made and cats could be lost. Oh my shit. What if you hooked up with a girl and then things went really well and you both liked each other and you moved in totgether, but she had a cat?

So, in the process of moving her into your place or moving into a way better place, you "accidentally" lose her cat so that you can pursue a much more fruitious (that's right, bitch. fruitious) life down the road. If this happened and you managed to salvage the relationship between you and her after severing the substitutious relationship that was fostered between your girlfriend and her cat, you would get to say "Mistakes were made, but we are going to learn from this and move forward."

"Mistakes were made" is hands-down my favorite phrase right now. I'm using it at work a lot to amuse myself unbeknownst to anyone else. It's like the three months that I used "How we roll" in a business situation and managed to inject it into our workplace vernacular. My boss actually used it in a meeting one time and I had to leave the meeting to go use the restroom and laugh my ass off.

So, it being the holiday season and me being relatively vain. I've come up with the ultimate gift for mother. It's a wallbanger of myself vacuuming or cooking. If you watch sports you have probably seen the commercials for fatheads. Fatheads are for NASCAR, Star Wars, Football, baseball, Hannah "Who the fuck is Hannah..." Montana, etc. Wallbangers are the English version of them that they play on Fox Soccer Channel.

So, anyway, they are giant posters for your wall if you live in the MidWest or are under 14. I really don't see any other place for these. You can, however, get a wallbanger made custom now. So, you can get them of yourself playing sports like team ttf, the queen, becca, or kevin 11 24/7.

So, cool. Those guys are participating in some form of recreational activity. Kevin has some dope sandals on and Becca is doing the robot superaggressively, I think. I can see the merit in getting these made for yourself if you truly think of yourself as awesome.

There is a dark underbelly to this product, though. There are the people that get wallbangers of their cats. For instance, meet Trouble. Trouble fills that hole of loneliness and despair that his owner feels late at night while she watches seasons of Sex and the City and thinks about how she is never going to meet a guy like McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy. Then, we have Gizmo. Gizmo was pulled from a fight with a raccoon at 3:00 A.M by his owner and inadvertently caused the owner to have to get a rabies shot. Immediately following that altercation, the owner had to pay $1200 for emergency cat pancreatic surgery. Yeah, cat people. You made the list.

Holy crap. I just saw a wallbanger in the gallery of someone's truck. Cat people, I'm taking it back and you guys are getting moved up a peg to make room for car people. My apologies.

Please check out the wallbanger gallery.

This is a late entry, but OMG, this is the best one hands down. The kid's name is Beetle and he has a shirt on that says American Cornhole. That sounds like a Kid Rock album. I thnk he is throwing bean bags. This kid just made my day.