Live By The Bottle. Die By The Bottle.

I've worked at a few jobs in the past where I was consistently pondering where the coffee came from. I'd roll into work and smell it brewing and go grab a cup and feel like someone in a tv show getting to work. I even considered whistling and taking up a briefcase briefly. (Briefcase briefly? Seriously?) Did I say few? I meant once.

Not only do I know why the caged bird sings, but I fuckin' know where the coffee comes from. I also know who changes the water bottle every goddamn time it goes empty. I know who picks up the cigarette butts next to the ashtray and the stray McDonald's wrappers next to the trashcan. I know the guy who straightens crooked pictures and throws away stray butter chips from the refrigerator. It's actually gotten to the point where co-workers will walk up to my desk and ask me to make coffee or change the water bottle or fix their chair or unjam the copier.

There was one company that I worked for and the coffee pot was all the way on the other side of the building. So, I would trudge from my office to go put a pot on and then retrudge back to my office to work while it brewed. No whistling. No wanting to take up a briefcase. By the time I returned to the pot it was empty. Those motherfuckers would take it while it was brewing leaving me with nothing unless I stood next to it.

The water bottle? I went on strike here and refused to change the bottle for a week stating that you cannot help anyone unless you can help yourself. I was hoping that I would spot some initiative in the office. It sat empty for three days and everyone just switched to bottled water. I got fed up and changed the water bottle. They won. They always eventually win.

Yes, I make better coffee than them and yes, I don't spill a drop when changing the bottle out, but just because I'm good at something does not mean I should have to do it every time. Hmmm? Perhaps they would be better if they ever tried it. Perhaps they would be better if they even took interest in it. It's shit like this that is going to result in our civilization culminating in nothing but a smear on a dead planet as a legacy in the Universe.

I mean, come on. We have more referential materials at our disposal for intense amounts of information than at any point in history and we're doing what with it? Going to see movies with Katherine Hiegl in them? Status updates about what we're eating? This is what we do? I'm beating up on myself here, too. I watched ten minutes of Hell's Kitchen last night and watched three episodes of Kendra a couple of weekends ago, so I'm not off the hook either. I'll also update a facebook status 72 times in three hours.

I guess it goes beyond coffee and water bottles, but they're a start. From there we can progress to modifying the AC to come on before 4:00 PM everyday. Actually, I'd try, but the union dudes would kill me.