Horsemouth

"I sat around and thought about the things we used to do. It really meant a lot to me."

"I really mean that much to you" - Milli Vanilli, Girl You Know It's True

In the words mouthed by Grammy award winning artists, Milli Vanilli...There's not really anything to say about that. Just wanted to drop the quote.

Been sitting around thinking. Thought is dangerous in both tyrannical societies, modern television viewing habits, popular music, and at my desk.

Here's what I've got on the table. An ex-girlfriend that I've turned from a girlfriend to a person that hates me and is seemingly obsessed, although it has cooled way down since it peaked. Still can't really go to some public places without looking over my shoulder, but there has been no physical altercations or surprise visits as of late. It's been quite nice.

I've got a neighbor who refers to me as "Lonely Guy Neighbor." I give nicknames in the complex, not some newcomer 24 year old from Indiana. You need to know the ways of the world before you can start handing out neighbor nicknames like Rapy, Nudist, and Methzophrenic.

Lastly, I've got the hangup. I've been hung up on the girl with the on/off boyfriend for a while now and every time I get burned and recover, I look down and the thorn's in my foot again. I mean, I put the thorn there, but still. It is what it is.

The three things are: a girl who liked me, a girl who sees me as a lonely person who barely knows me and a girl that I like unrequittingly (unrequittedly?) who means well, but just isn't in to me that way. Or, at least does not have the capacity to deal with a girl manbaby. You just know.

I deal with seemingly solutionless problems for a living that are solved with large doses of logic, but can't for the life of me figure out this puzzle. Being from the Nintendo generation, the first thought is to pull the cartridge out and blow into it and try again. When you do this three times and it doesn't work, you've missed the point and have officially put a toe in the water of the clinically insane. Performing the same process repeatedly and expecting a different result. That's insane.

So, the funny thing is, the three things are girl, girl, girl and I think I'm missing the point. The problem is me, me, me. As Pappy says in his logical wisdom, "You are the least common denominator in all of these situations."

First thing. I didn't like the girl enough to pursue anything long term and I made the decision to leave someone that liked me, but didn't make me tingle right.

Second thing. I'm not lonely. People fuckin' love me (apparently) according to other people. I just don't ever believe it and choose to isolate and wallow and punch myself in the brain. That's my bad. I choose to be lonely I think. It sounds kinda crazy, but I think I do.

Third thing. All me. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If someone is nice to you, it does not mean that they want more. Even phrases like "I love you" and crap like that should not be read into. People say they fuckin' love candy bars. They say they love Justin Bieber. I've even heard someone say that they love Everybody Loves Raymond. Case in point, nobody really loves Raymond in a way more than one would love a salad or Led Zeppelin. This doesn't necessarily translate into anything, but it's not a total loss. It's a genuine sign of liking something, but it's not good to take it that seriously.

Instead, be happy that someone likes you enough to get mad if you are out with a member of the opposite sex enough to send you an email about it berating you. Be happy that a stranger thinks that you are lonely, but personable and nice enough to make casual conversation with you or drop a bottle of barley wine by occasionally. Be happy that you have someone who cares enough to listen to your meltdowns when they happen even if they don't want to be around you.

So, problem solved. I've just got to be breezy and go about my routine. Just had to air it out a bit on the InterWebs. I can't believe I used to pay so much to a guy for this when I could do it for nothing. I might as well have just wrote it on my wall...over and over and over again like a real crazy.

So, be breezy and never look at anything in the mouth. Problem solved. I'm still not buying that lonely guy thing, though. I don't want to be the lonely guy.

Arsenal just tied up the first round of their Champions League game against Barcelona on a penalty kick. Life's not that bad at all.