"I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go"

Sambuyaka and I went out last night after laundry. After laundry is like my after work because I get off at 4:00 PM everyday and have time to do laundry before anyone I know is off. My head was in the right place and I made baked potatoes for us that were delicious. I planned on staying in, however, I taught Sambuyaka how to binge drink about a year ago and now she's all into it and she talked me into going to get a cocktail after dinner. I expressed concern as I'm approaching my ex-wife's second anniversary which is the day that I turn 32 this year, as well. That was code.

First bar, was my local. Smelled like sewage which matched the decor. The karaoke guy was there early and kept telling me to get up a sing. It was like the Sirens of Greek mythology calling out to me, but I resisted it just like Odysseus tied to a mast. We left and went to the second bar. It was still early.

Second bar, there was a Rolling Rock promotion going on. A dollar for a beer? I would drink anything for a dollar. ANYTHING. Sambuyaka kinda knew the promotions guy and she kind of seemed interested so I peeled off and smoked. I am not a cock blocker or whatever the guy equivalent would be. A Vagstopper? I'll need to work on that. So, I walked past guy who looked like Jesus in a tank top and rejoined the conversation after giving her time to set the hook and not pose as a threat to the other dude.

We compared tattoos, related stories of travel abroad and made jokes about fat people. It was like dogs sniffing each other's butts when they meet. After a while, the guy said that they had another promotion at another bar for Bud Select and asked if we wanted to roll with the promotions team. It was such a bad idea, but Sambuyaka wanted to go and I wanted to give her a chance to seal the deal if she wanted. So, we went.

Third bar, same deal. Dollar beers. The only difference was that it was way past my bedtime. This is the point in the night where I just say "Fuggit. I'll go to work late tomorrow." So, we hung out and talked to the promotions people for a bit. I ran out of cash and put a dollar beer on my card and felt that that was kind of pinner. So, I grabbed the first two girls that I saw and offered to buy them a drink. They wanted dollar beers so I had to talk one of them into a shot of Jaeger. She was being a little touchy, but whatevs. The shots came and we did 'em and then my Ol' Jaugey sense went off and I felt like I was about to be molested and I really wasn't into making out in a bar on a Thursday night with a random. She did have a nice rack, though. She starts getting kind of weird when I'm like "Thanks. That was fun." She acted like we were breaking up or something. It was weird.

So, I go back to Sambuyaka and the promotions guy and hang out for a little bit. I run outside to smoke and there is Chickfrombarwithdecentrack. We reunite and she tries to set me up with her friend with a very low level of eloquence. It was more like "Do you wanna fuck my friend? I
bet she would totally be down. Wait here." It was like bad pron dialogue or a Dan Brown novel.

At this point, I'm thinking the night has surpassed the point where I intended it to go. So, as I try to get out of the conversation without losing the enjoyment of a delicious smoke, I text Sambuyaka and tell her that it is time to go. I politely decline the offer to make sweet love to Chickfrombarwithdecentrack's beautiful friend and grab a cab.

So, that was long intro to why I rolled into work at 10:00 AM this morning with a vanilla latte and a purse. Not really a purse, but a vanilla latte is a bit gay for me. I just didn't really even try to get to work at 7:00 this morning. I had totally stopped caring. I didn't rush this morning to get to work. I was already two hours late and kind of just hung out in the shower. I went to Starbucks and waited in a giant line and still wasn't stressed about getting to work. Rolled in booted up and went to meet my new boss to discuss our transition and realized that I'm the last in line for what I do. That means I've really got to fuck up bad for them to get rid of me and also that shit rolls down hill and i will likely be covered in it. I think I need a raise. So, after the meeting (now), I'm just trying to figure out where to eat and then I'm going to Macy's shoe sale. I need shoes bad. OH MY GOD that was so femme. Hey I drank a latte today and went shoe shopping...and then developed a bladder infection. What's wrong with me? Better make that a steak for lunch. Or, better yet, a Manwich. Oh, wait. Manwich sounds kind of gay. First, the moustache. Then, the rainbow. Now, our sloppy Joe's. What is macho anymore?

So, to sum it up. I have completely stopped caring and it has resulted in a much needed bitch slap of peace. I really like not caring. Also, get a promotions schedule from a liquor distributor and drink dollar beers as much as you can. It WILL improve your quality of life.