What do you call pirate's treasure?

Booty...Booty...Booty...That's what it is.

So, yeah. I'm 31 years old and I'm still getting an Easter basket from my mom and my grandmas. I think they are just trying to give me diabetes. Here is an itemized list of what I got.
-Tropical Starburst jellybeans
-Original Starburst jellybeans
-Jolly Rancher jellybeans
-Assorted See's Easter candy

-See's Scotchmallows (2)
-See's Chocolate Walnut Fudge egg with my name on it (The fucker weighs about two pounds and may contain a chocolate chicken.
-Jones Soda Apple Gum
-Reese's Peanut Butter Egg (2)
-Almond Joy Egg (2)
-Gummy Cola Bottles
-Blue Peeps
-Yellow Peeps
-Bag o' Peanut M&Ms, Whopppers, Hershey's Kisses and Reese's minis
-Necco Wafers
-Rocky Road
-Bag o' assorted Tootsie products (1 pound)
-Bit O' Honey bar (They still make them or my grandma shops at Big Lots!)
-Old Tymey Taffy
-Russel Stover hollow bunny

Non-Edibles
-Tiny rubber chicken
-Battery operated donkey
-Balloon helicopter
-Tiny Guitar
-Metal Bucket
-Sparky ball thingies
-Aligator stapler
-This penguin that goes into an egg and then you wind it up and the penguin hatches. That's right ladies: Available and with hatchable penguin toy
-Garden gnome
-A receipt from a store called Country Crockery or something.

So, that's all the stuff. The candy lasts me through Halloween which is the next candy time.

I have a gripe about Easter, though. Did you ever hear about those parent's that don't let their kids have toys and stuff? My aunt is one. I've caught one of her kids sneaking candy and a soda behind our kitchen counter at someone's birthday. Then, she just tunes out as her kids are running around with Red Bulls at family functions, babysitting by ear. Basically, when they finally break something or get hurt, she deals with it. People should not have kids to compete with others or because they feel that it is time. Think it through and in the meantime, aim for the face or anywhere , but there.

So, my mom goes out of her way to get her kids some stuff for Easter and she actually tried to sneak them into the trash (the toys not, the kids, but give it time). I understand she must have been stressed because she had a tummy tuck the next day, but what a crazy bitch. She's really on track to get those kids shuffled into therapy. Luckily, my grandpa grabbed the toys and brought them home for the kids to play with when they visit. He rocks. He built weapons of mass destruction before they were played out. He is also vice Jesus at the church and aststoblessit before we eat. The dude is rad.

Anyway, I've got all this candy now so I was trying to figure out what to do with it. So, after about an hour of old school Battlestar Galactica on some channel called ion, I had it. I went to my computer and fired up Photoshop. I put some pictures of bunnies and teddy bears on a flyer that said "Candy Party. All kids welcome." I then put my apartment number on it and phone number. What could go wrong, right?