Hakuna Dentata means "No Worries"

I came across this awhile back and called bullshit on it. It's a movie called "Teeth." Whatevs, right? Maybe a pair of those plastic gag teeth attacking people. Perhaps a movie about John Elway's mouth. Or, perhaps a biopic about an Osmond. Nope.

Teeth is a movie about a girl with teeth in her vagina. Apparently, it is based on a myth called Vagina Dentata, which is latin for "toothed vagina." I'm getting the impression that it kinda works like The Incredible Hulk where when she gets mad her vagina attacks people. In the trailer it attacks her gynecologist. Can you imagine her saying, in a Bruce Banner fashion, "You won't like my vagina when I'm angry."

Plus, could the term "Menstrually Retarded" be used at all? I'm not married anymore and very single (Hey Ladies! Get funky) and have to admit that being unaffected by that thing is pretty awesome. I used to have to track my ex-wife's cycle in my Palm Pilot and would recommend doing this for all males currently in some type of relationship. Plus, growing up with three sisters, it was imperative to be able to identify when it's time for you and your stepdad to go golfing or catch a movie. Regardless, just get out of the fuckin' house because the call is coming from inside the house. Knowing is half the battle.

Here's the trailer. Please god put that sound from Hand That Rocks the Cradle in that opening scene somewhere. I was mentally scarred by the sound that is made when Rebecca Demornay goes to the gynecologist in that movie. It sounds like someone eating tapioca with their mouth open. God, that's gross.