Too Long Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar

I haven't been blogging. I wish I had a reason. No muse, perhaps, but a ton of dumb shit has happened to write about.

There was a holiday party at the Top of the Mark gone awry. It ended at the Tonga Room at the Fairmont in San Francisco where the cover band played "All Night Long" when I walked in and then followed that with "As" by Stevie Wonder while I held coats and purses while sipping Ketel and sodas. The event ended the next morning with me taking BART from Berkeley in a suit and tie to CalTrain in Millbrae to my car to home for an hour and then back to the city for a tight coffee shop gig in the Richmond district and then back home to a soccer game and then to bed. The simplest things do tend to get a bit Homeresque at times. Swear that I had the best intentions, though.

Did some Christmas shopping and bought an Xbox 360 for myself. Bought some lightsabers for friends due to a ban on the shipment of nunchucks into California. You can have a gun in your house, but not nunchucks. That is so fuckin' wack. What are the chances that someone would die if they broke into my apartment and I beat the shit out of them with nunchucks versus with a gun? Regardless, it would look so funny to do it in my underwear. Anyway, I'm in the market for a nunchuck mule out of state. Or, maybe I'll just go buy a handgun. Go Republican legislation. The only reason they have banned nunchucks is because it's the Asian man's gun. On the other hand, a gun is just a white man's nunchuck. When will prejudice end in this state?

Okay, then. Did Dad Christmas which is the day before Christmas Eve with the Mi Familia side of my family. My grandfather got his buzz on and let us know that he was adopted and that we are most likely Italian. My cousin knocked up his girlfriend. I got some Armani cologne for the third year in the row even though I have never smelled of it once. My dad got me good stuff. He's really latched onto the Arsenal jersey thing and it suits me fine. Lastly, my sister's dog hates lightsabers.

Did Mom's side Christmas Eve at my sister's and spent a second day crashing on a couch. It was pretty much the same as Christmas I. I spent the next morning getting coffee and crossword puzzling until the rest of the house woke up. I think that might have been the night that my sister whipped our asses at Wii and then fell into the tree twice because she was wasted.

Christmas. Put more shit in my car then I have ever put in it and hauled my sister and her dog to my stepdad's house. My mom is trying to call it something else, but that's what it is. Recent developments have shown that I'm still pissed off at her for separating from my stepdad and I'm currently not accepting phone calls from her and she's figured it out. I am a 32 year old man child. Opened more gifts and ate more crap. At this point for Christmas number 3, I was done with it. It's enough with the marketing blitz, but then with the gastric decimation that goes on, it can get to be too much. Crashed on my stepdad's couch on Christmas night and left super early in the morning to nest at my apartment and sleep in my own bed.

I also got to see Van Halen, which was sick in there somewhere.

Other dumb shit: I watched the first hour of American Gladiators last night and laughed hysterically. It is the most brilliant satire of the American culture I have ever seen. It was like watching Idiocracy if it were a reality game show. If I was a stronger individual who did not enjoy laughing at the ignorance of others, I would be able to turn this off and go to a yoga class on the way to returning my unused paper bags to Trader Joe's. I won't lie. I watched it. So, I'm sitting there watching American Gladiators and an ad for Knight Rider comes on. Then, there is an ad with Mr. T in it on another station. The Bionic Woman started last season. I've watched Battlestar Galactica for three seasons now. If I take all of those shows and feed them into some sort of TV date calculating machine then it puts it at about 1983. Plus, having seen Van Halen last month, I can confidentally say that it's 1984. That's just naming things off the top of my head. Oh, Morrissey put out an album last year, too and is touring. The list could go on for a while.