This Is Gonna Hurt On the Count of 1...2...

So, it's been since July. Where do I start? What do I remember? It'll probably help if we just look at it like a TV show. I stopped writing because things became ridiculously unanonymous. Probably my self-promotion gene, but whatever. So, every person that I'm about to write about will probably read this. Some of them will probably tell me to "Fuck off." It's all part of the game, though.

So, if it were a TV show, it's like season 4 or 5. Recently, the show changed settings. I finally moved...impulsively. My neighbors are the loudest and most fucked up derelicts that I have ever been this close to in proximity since I lived at home with my family in high school (kidding guys). There is the Loud Family on Section 8. There is the negligee neighbor with like 42 kids who got arrested the second week I was there. There is my upstairs neighbor family that is extremely active at 1:00 AM. I do, however, love the new town. I lived there with my ex-wife about ten years ago and even put a hole in my leg playing "You Love the Bushes" with her one night right up the street from my current apartment.

Next, we are getting tons of cameos from seasons 1 and 2. Cat Lady is back and going through some personal stuff that we talk about sometimes and has recently been renamed #2 in reference to 3#. #1 is the ex-wife. The numbers are references to the number of times that I have been smittstant (instantly smitten). Shit, #2 hit me from about 30 yards away. Recently, in dealing with #2's problems, I've seen some things come to light that were pushed down deep in the recesses of my traitorous brain that came back to me for processing. These things have led to me trying to quit #3. I tried to have something with her and lost some friends over it. It didn't work. Need to find a #4, but these things only happen, on average, every ten years. Another cameo is a girl that I treated really crappy during my self-medication phase. She really liked me and I probably could have made something out of it, but I was an asshole. She let me know that I broke her heart this weekend over a text message and said that she'd still get drunk and do me, but she doesn't really like me anymore. So, that's your cast. I'll expand on that later.

Now, recent episodes? Hmmm. There is the one where a guy choked me and I got in a fight. Walked away luckily. Still trying to figure that one out. There are some nice episodes, as well. Had a really great time at the Bridge School Benefit with one of the best dinners ever afterwards. It quickly turned to shit, but as far as moments go, that was a nice one. There is the episode of watching the Giants win the World Series while sober with my monkey stepson who also stayed sober. That was a weird episode. I made out at a train station with a girl with a boyfriend one night. She said that I was a good kisser. I got propositioned by two cougars for a threeway at karaoke. That was really really weird. I turned it down. Not quite there yet. Plus, I settle for nothing less than 4. One of the cougars also had these giant fuckin' Elway teeth. I'll be honest, I was a little frightened. She may have been a werewolf.

All right, I'm out of stuff at the moment, but will try to remember something from the last 4 months. Also, probably need to expand on the fucked up relationship dynamics that I'm discovering. I'll be honest. I'm doomed and kind of just accepting it now. It falls somewhere between Jerry Seinfeld and Charlie Brown. You know that Charlie Brown actually never got the girl and then Charles Schulz died therefore making Charlie Brown eternally lonely, right?