Karaoke pwn4ge

Last night after work I felt that I needed to let off a little steam. After two drinks, I went home and changed and walked to my local bar in the rain. It was like a fucking truck stop mixed with the cantina from Star Wars. Just a bunch of craggly fuckers sittin' around talkin' about how they couldn't find jobs so they were going to move to Southern California to find some work. It was like a knockoff version of Grapes of Wrath. It would be called Raisins of Ire.

Anyway, I had a beer and put in a ton of music in the jukebox and played music trivia for a bit. Then, the karaoke guy rolled in. I felt obligated to sing some Van Halen because I bugged him about getting some in his book forever. Dude, now he has...Oh, I also got into a "Don't Call Me Dude" conversation with some old fucker in the bar last night. I debated and berated until he lost interest. I used terms like American vernacular to scare him away from the argument. Anyway, the guy has everything from "In The Air Tonight" to "Unchained" to probably "Pac-Man Fever" by Buckner-Garcia. Before going to that link you should get a Pac-Man Fever vaccination, seriously.

A few bar friends eventually showed up and the dude who sings Dio and The Scorpions. He is awesome. His wife smelled like weed. The night turned into a semi-bender of Ketel and sodas and I realized I would be late to work the next day right as I got up to sing "Jump" by Van Halen. It's been a while and there may still be a ban on me singing this at the Carlos Club since the fireplace-over the couch-head on ceiling tile incident of the early 2000s.

Well, as luck would have it, there may be another ban on me singing this song at my local bar. It's like a diminished chord in the 14th century or something. So, the song was going fine, my voice was a little blown out, but it was working. I saw a stray chair out of the corner of my eye and kind of maneuvered it away from a table while I did the David Lee Roth shoulder thing a couple of times. It was dark, people weren't noticing what I was up to because I'm like a ninja. Catlike. Then, in that chorus right before the solo, I took a running start and jumped off the chair attempting to do the splits. The chair slid a bit on the tile floor and I don't think anyone knew that there was a ceiling fan in there until my hand hit it and it fired me right back down to the ground, landing flat on my ass.

So, there I am on the ground next to a knocked over chair with some scratches on my hand from the fan and a bruised ass while the karaoke version of the solo is going. It was my Pullitzer moment, the way it epitomized my life at the moment. Go ahead read into that. I realized I looked like an ass, so I got up and propped the chair back up and did two more jumps off of it. I am nursing karaoke-related injuries, however, today.

This is what I do when I should be sleeping.