MedCab For Cutie

I went through the left side of my medicine cabinet to reorganize the stuff chronologically in regards to how I use it throughout the day and decided to document what is in there, as well as why. We will be going from left to right so please follow along. I would really recommend clicking on it and viewing all of the associated notes on my flickr.


1. Right Guard Sport, Active Scent, Gel - This is new and goes on clear, wet and cold. I don't like it, but until recently, I couldn't find my old brand. It went on white and warm and relatively dry. I know where to get the old kind now, so fuck Target for not carrying it.

2. Jack Black Beard Lube - This stuff is really good. I have to slip into the beauty supply store to procure this stuff. I usually grab a thing of rough paste when I'm in there, too. I then have to stash the pink bag that it comes in like you have to stash the black porno bag with gold wine grapes on it that they give you at the liquor store. A couple of the selling points are that it goes on clear, it moisturizes and makes shaving easier. I use the same blade for like two months, so I need really good stuff like this around. It's expensive, though, it ain't Old Spice.

3. Neutrogena Post Shave Lotion - This is pretty standard stuff that can be found at Target when you buy toilet paper and paper towels. It just helps smoove your face a bit before work.

4. Neutrogena Age Fighter Face Moisturizer - Hedging bets and filling crows feet. Mom gave me some good traits and mom and grandpa gave me some nice crows feet. Plus, given the chance to fight anything at 6:45 AM sounds good to me.

5. Vaseline Nightly Renewal - I don't use this much, I think it came saran wrapped to something else when I bought it. I should probably put it in my travel kit.

6. Redken Rough Paste - This is the shit. You have to be careful to not just rub it into your scalp because you will burn yourself because it fucking holds and texturizes. It's a cheaper alternative to Sumo Wax and I know how to work with it. I love this stuff.

7. Bed Head, Hard To Get Texturizing Paste - I use this if I ever run out of rough paste. This produck is more like the paste that you used and may have eaten in kindergarten. Works pretty well and doesn't look to greasy.

8. Tian Wang Bu Xin Dan - My mom gave me this stuff when I was bummed and going through a divorce. I was too stubborn to take any other meds and this may have helped. I looked it up on the Interwebs and it may be helping with nocturnal ejaculate or premature ejaculation, it was a bad translation so I'm not sure. It seems to work when I need it without making me crazy. It's good for my yin apparently.

9. Tylenol PM - Helps me sleep when I can't. I live by a train and some nights it is hard too sleep. Had a few bad interactions with this stuff; you have to be careful. Also, if you are drinking, do not take this at all. Your skin will start to show signs of jaundice as your liver starts to experience some difficulties. I'm not saying that my cheeks progressively started turning orange when I took this for a month or that I would go to work with my shirt on inside out and my zipper down, but I bet it could happen.

10. Multi For Him - Dudes need vitamins.

11. 100% Vitamin E - Dudes need vitamins for their skin. Sometimes it makes my tats puffy.

12. Welbutrin XL - When I was going through a divorce, my doctor gave me sex talks and a prescription for these. He told me that they would make me happy and quit smoking. Because of Aldous Huxley, I thought that it would be cheating to take a pill to be happy and instead chose to roam the earth in search of happiness. I'm not saying it worked, but at least I wasn't cheating and the Tian Wang Bu Xin Dan or a soccer game could usually get me through the day without it. I still smoke, but am working on it. If you want some Welbutrin, let me know. I think there is some Zoloft in my medicine cabinet, too.

13. Flexiril - I slipped a disc in my L5 vertebrae that looks like a bag of heroin in an MRI. Sometimes it blocks nerves to my right leg and makes me really uncomfortable and numb. When that happens, I take one of these and drool and watch children's TV shows. Before I take one, it's like a teenager taking acid for the first time. I get all prepared and have a thing of water close, a remote control, and some trail mix in case I need a snack while I am under. Drop this in my drink and I am yours.

14. Ibuprofen - Also known as Vitamin Saturday. Dudes need vitamins.

15. Motrin - Again, this is related to my L5. When it hurts bad, this makes things feel better. Shit puts me out, though. It's just the same as taking 8 Advil, so you can recreate it without a prescription.

That's it. That's the little man behind the curtain. Screams metro, Doant It?