Dude, you're just not that awesome.

When you are me, nights can go from routine to interesting within seconds. When I meet people, I'll leave a mark sometimes. For instance, last night, myself and a couple of other guys from my soccer team went to get a few beers at my local watering hole. The watering hole where I have CDs in the jukebox for my comfort. The watering hole where I know the bouncers and all the staff and have been on drinking missions outside of their establishment with them. It's a safe place.

So, when a small Irish man gave his ID to the bouncer while we were talking and then one of his friends called him by his bald Irish name, I realized I knew who he was and he wanted to kill me for dating his girlfriend after picking up on her in front of him and then telling him to "punch me in the fuckin' face you fuckin' pussy." Pappy was there and claims I kinda ruined breakfast. It happened a long time ago, but I didn't know if he had let it go. He hadn't recognized me yet, though, and I was seriously within ten inches of him. It was like being invisible. I felt like I was swimming with a tiny shark all night and milled about narrowly missing bumping into him and looking over my shoulder a lot. I figured a punch was going to come from behind and I kept my eye on him just in case.

Then, the bouncer walked up to me and goes "He heard someone use your name and figured out who you are and was talking mad shit about you out front. Watch your back."

This is the price of handsome and charming. It just puts a damper on my night. It's not that I'm handsome. It's not that I'm charming. It's not that I'm awesome. It's that he is not that awesome. It's dudes like him that lower the bar for me to look good. I was just a vehicle for his girlfriend to get out of a situation that she was not really happy in. If anything I did him a favor and yes it feels like ripping a band-aid off, but sometimes you just gotta count to three and rip it at two.

I will say this, though, it's no reason to make out with a fat chick in front of the bathroom in a public place. Get a hold of yourself, dude. People are watching. That's just a loss of self-respect. If you are going to make out with a girl in a bar, make sure she is super hot. Pro tip.

Dude, you're just not that awesome.