So...

Last Friday I was hitting nothing but home runs and throwing nothing but no hitters at work. It kinda carried over into the weekend and I spent hours knocking on wood hoping that a gray cloud would not form above my head and another boot would not drop. It was a dumb move. A smarter move would have been to find an umbrella or to go limp like a drunk in a car accident. They never seem to get injured. That might explain why astronauts do it. The drinking, not the going limp part. Not even Burt Reynolds drives something as badass as an astronaut so maybe they know something that we don't. Back to me. To sum it up, your instinct is smarter than your gut. Buh-Lee-Dat!

So cloud formed and boot dropped, whatevs. I really did know it was coming and it's all part of the process and some things are just out of your control and they just get worse the more you try and control them, so you just gotta sit and watch and keep your nose clean and hope for the best. It's just like the eighth inning of a Giant's game. It's hard to watch, but occasionally(sometimes) the good guys win or things work out. Life can be really strange.

The bad news is that I started smoking for twelve hours again. Why? Because I'm a big fuckin' baby. Then, after smoking I beat up on myself for about an ever. Nobody can kick my ass verbally (not out loud, innervoice) like I can. I know all the weakspots like R2-D2 knew about the Death Star. Plus, you pick your battles. A few smokes is nothing compared to what I'm capable of when it comes to acting out. I'm trying to avoid that to the severe disappointment of the "Jauge Show" fans. There are some people who just really love the asshole in me. I don't get it. Some would call them enablers. On the other hand, everytime my family sees it, they want to take turns strangling me. It's really a waste. I will admit, however, that it can be entertaining to third parties, but I will not do the monkey dance for anyone...there are a few exceptions.

After work, I rode my bike home and had a nice tall glass of ice water and not a beer. I then laid down on the couch and processed everything and filed it away neatly. Skipped beer league softball because I thought better of drinking more beers than innings played and made myself dinner. Quit smoking again and watched the Giants game. It was a nice relaxing night. The smartest moves of the night and my own personal highlight reel consists of making dinner rather than going out for a couple of beers on a Wednesday and not picking up the phone when my mom called right when I was about to go to bed. I'm getting smarter. Watch your ass.

Only problems are that I keep waking up at 5:00 AM and then toss and turn until about 5:45. I get to work real fuckin' early right now. I do more before 9:00 AM than the Army does all day and they do more before 9:00 AM than most people do all day. So, I'm doing a lot before 9:00 AM when compared to the Army and most people. Also, I'm trying to pull off Nike Dunks with Kenneth Cole slacks and a polo shirt. I'm fuckin' high, but if I can pull this off I might be trying my white loafers with jeans pretty soon. It's like lying in that if you use the right tone and accents, no one will ever know that you are full of shit. I think my high school girlfriend probably still thinks that Titanic was a true story because of that. So, if you have clown shoes and Cavaricci's on, just carry yourself well and no one will bat an eyelash.