Ballad of the "Hey, How Are Ya?" Guy

It seems so simple. A look from a relative stranger expresses acknowledgment of your face and you say instinctively "Hey, how are ya?" Honestly, you could give a fuck, but it seems like the right thing to say. They say "Good," "Fine" or whatever and then they say back "How are you?" and you boldface lie to them with a "Great."

Your stomach's in knots. Your heart hurts. Your head hurts. You're exhausted and your hands have been shaking for weeks to the point that you think you have MS. All of this shit and you just lie to them. You are a liar for the benefit of others.

On the other hand, they could be doing the same. When is the day when we can all drop the charade and just share our real feelings with each other? Good ones will eventually happen. I had them for a couple of months recently and the "Great" was really great. It wasn't bullshit, but it was fleeting.

So, now, I'm looking at others who tell me they are doing "Good" a little suspectly. They could be bullshitting me and going through the same stuff that I am and we'll never know. We could help each other and talk about things, but we just hide our secrets behind cordial pleasantries. They could be going home and staring at a bottle of meds while they pet their cat named after their high school sweetheart and watch Moonlighting reruns on DVD while eating a tasteless Lean Cuisine at night and planning their escape. They could be going home to a man with a shirt with his name on it who calls them a "cunt" and hits them as he gets ready to go to bed underneath his handlebar moustache and a stench of whiskey.

Where am I going with this? There are horrible people out there doing horrible things to people and these people just keep walking through life faking it. Faking a smile. Laughing nervously as if someone might figure them out if they don't laugh. So, they look at you and say "Good." It's a protection mechanism sometimes. It's a wall. As long as everyone is good, everything will be fine.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not all darkness. I've seen good in the world. I've seen people that say "Good" and I know it's the truth. These people intimidate me because I feel like we are on different teams. Or, I feel like they've reached some unattainable level of self-awareness that has to be cut with ignorance to be truly reached. Like if they were really aware of the things that I was, there would be no way that they could be happy. I'm really hoping that someday, however, I'm going to relate to these people. I want to be one of these people. I want to mean it when I lie to you.

I have to be wrong on this and "good" has to be real. God, I hope I'm wrong, but in the meantime I'll just be "great."

By the way, I don't have a cat and don't eat Lean Cuisines. Everything is fine and manageable. It's everyone else that I worry about.