Corey Feldman Was Awesome In Dream A Little Dream

Okay. Gonna get a bit weird for a second. Last Friday, I made the trek to the old hood for my stepdad's birthday. My stepsister and her husband were in town, so we had a small dinner with my grandparents and my sister from LA.

The drive was horrible and traffic laden, but I was feeling really good about stuff. The physical therapist had gone silent since the date on Thursday, but I was totally cool with it. Sometimes people just don't click. I thought it actually went pretty well, but I did inform her that I was operating way out of my comfort zone as I could not find one hangup about her. There was absolutely no dysfunction with her and there was nothing to "fix." Basically, I had never experienced it before and was lost. It felt like wearing one wet sock. Hmmm. Maybe that was it. Whatever, I was being myself and if she had an issue with that then it is what it is. As a consolation prize, one of the waitresses on the way out asked me where the last girl I was with was and I told her that she broke up with me for her ex. The waitress then told me that she had a boyfriend, but I should really have her number and she put it into my phone. Why do I ever even bother trying to understand people or their motives?

So, anyway, got to dinner and then about twenty minutes into it I just got this wave of bad vibe. It was like when Obi-Wan sensed the destruction of Alderaan. It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I feared something terrible had happened...or was about to.

I went to the bar that my sister works at with my stepdad and got mortified by the town that I grew up in. It was absolutely frightening, the combination of cougars and dudes with grey chest hair escaping their hopeless Tommy Bahama shirts. The apparel had no chance of holding that shit back. We bounced after one beer and one horrible cover of Panama by Van Hagar. Van Hagar? Yes, because the dude couldn't sing it David Lee Roth style to save his life.

We got home and drank 80% of a bottle of Glenlivet with my brother-in-law who is a naval pilot. He's good people. I fell asleep that night to the sound of the freeway through the window. I find it somehow calming and it reminds me of being a kid and growing up in that house. Simpler times.

So, the next morning at 7:00 AM, I got up and my little sister told me that my other sister had broken up with her career boyfriend at 2:00 AM that morning. For a second, I felt I had had a premonition the night before, but I don't believe in that crap. The family went into red alert. We'd been through this before so many times. We're a family that gets punched in the heart habitually. You'd think we'd learn. It probably explains why we are all so funny. Humor is our only hope of dealing with the horrific shit that we are always dealing with. A tribe of sad clowns.

So, I jumped on some baby shower tasks with my coffee run that morning. One of which was getting an out of season watermelon. That shit was like $16, but was the prized task of the morning. I got back to the house and then ran my 15 year old sister to the salon to get her nails done for homecoming. I then realized that I was three years older than my mom was when I was 15 and going to homecoming. That was creepy. I followed that with casing a house that had a lawn jockey in the front yard that I wanted to steal. The garage door was open and my attempt was foiled. Next time, though, I will come both correct and prepared for the theft in the name of anti-bigotry.

I got back home from the errands and my sister showed up. She got three steps out of her car and lost her shit. My heart broke for her. We sat down in the back yard for a bit and talked stuff through. It's a horrible thing that she's going through and I know it all too well. She left before the weird grandma could get to the party and accost her via passages from the Book of Mormon. It was a smart move.

I had had enough of the shower at one point and bailed back home to meet friends and watch football. Cue the shit show. After a bevy of Robert Palmers we went to sushi. I was housed. We then got dropped off at one of the shittiest strip clubs known to man by my friend's wife. I grabbed a cab from there and went back downtown to meet the waitress from the bar at another bar. This is the part where if I was sober I would have asked myself "If I am so unhappy in the hole that I'm in, why do I keep digging down?" I would then toss the shovel and start screaming for help.

I knew that it was a waste of time. I knew that it was wrong, but my feet kept taking me in that direction. Regardless, there was nothing done wrong and I went home after hanging out briefly.

Sunday was a wash while wearing sweatpants and catching up with the DVR. It was actually fairly relaxing after a nutty Saturday. Everything still felt okay. I realized I shouldn't be unhappy about what I don't have and instead should direct my happiness towards what I do have. I'm the rebound guy. I'm who girls turn to when their boyfriend or husband is a dick. That's my role. I'm not going to savor it, but I'll be okay with it until somebody decides to stick around for a bit. There is just one problem. I'm always waiting for the next one to pick up and split. They always do.

So, this morning, mental debris has just kind of been tugging on the back of my brain. There is a tinge of anxiety. A tinge of dizziness. A lack of concentration with a side of notivation. Finally, I'm experiencing what I'll refer to as self-estorm issues. It's a lack of calmness in regards to how I feel about myself. I'm totally cool with myself. I have nice shoes on and a full head of hair, but I still am having issues accepting my situation as happy this morning. There is the residual tug from what my sister's going through. There is leftover brain sludge from visiting home. There is a general malcontent with being alone. There are just some things that I want that I can't have: lightsaber, monkey, a counterpart who cares. For now, I've got absolute freedom and complete unaccountability to anyone. I'm living some peoples' dream, I just wish it was mine.