Chewing The Fat

Holy Shit! I just read this article. "Fat Fucks Complain in Time Magazine." I seriously got angry. They are complaining about being discriminated against? Have you ever sat next to an obese person on an airplane? I've done it and I swear to god there was a cheese layer on the side of my body that could not avoid their planetlike gravity. I swear to fuck the woman was being orbited by two small moons. Then, when the flight attendant came around with nuts, it was on. It's not a fucking buffet, hon. That was the longest plane ride that I've ever been on where I was smashed up against the wall of the cabin.

So, wait. Time magazine is going to run this article on how fat people are discriminated upon? This is not an MLK, JR, Rosa Parks thing, dude. They're just fat and it's not fucking hereditary. I'll drink the Kool-Aid on the gay gene, but try and pour me a glass of obesity as hereditary and I'll throw the cup in your fuckin' face. The reason families are fat is because of horrible fucking parenting. Like, "Hey Jimmy, Happy Birthday. Let's go to Sonic and watch you take another step towards diabetes and heart disease and fitting into your mom's giant fuckin' tentlike underwear."

Dude, let's talk about discrimination towards smokers and those fuckers that cough when they walk by me. They cough while they roll a fucking stroller with four fucking kids in it. Should I pantomime horrible unprotected sex when they walk by to respond to that fuckin' lame cough? Aim for the face, fucker. The world is shrinking and we have no room for your fucking sanctity of life. Ooooooooooooh. You can have a fucking kid. Hobos can have fucking kids. White trash can have kids. Parents of serial killers can have kids. Osama Bin Laden was had by someone. Feel special now? Congrats, but it's not that big of a deal. I've spent the last 18 years trying not to. That's the hard part.

So, yeah, I need to quit smoking. Shit, I dated someone and they told me that I could only bag on fat people if I didn't smoke. Did I say dated? Haven't done that in two years. So, anyway, quitting in three days. I'm serious. The only reason is to better bag on obesity. My own private hell will be myself strapped to a chair at a buffet in Orlando while watching Wheel of Fortune. My god, that sounds awful.