Y rthday

I just started laughing maniacally in my office due to utter eelarity.

So, it's my birthday today, which is historically disastrous. Whatever. I have faith in it being fine today. I'm bulletproof as if I was inebriated and being chased by SeaWorld police. I slept in an extra hour this morning to celebrate and almost didn't shave in observance of the day, but chickened out and shaved anyway.

I got dressed for work and walked around my apartment grabbing all matches and lighters and threw them in the garbage and then took a pack of Parliaments with six smokes left in the box and broke each of the cigarettes in half and threw them away in the most cliched fashion possible.

On the way to work, I stopped by Starbucks and got a non-fat vanilla latte as I sang "happy birthday to me" in my inside voice. The barista told me that she liked saying my name and said it like three times. That was the first time that had ever happened and I felt flattered.

So far, the day is absolutely fuckin' normal. Last year on my birthday I was a bottle of wine deep at this time and I don't even remember what went down...I remember. It was drunk at Nolas again with my family. That's for the local peeps. For the unlocals, it's a New Orleans themed restaurant with a bar that smells like vomit and Hurricanes that will take the paint off of a car. I swear. I drank two at one sitting once and it was such not a good idea. SUCH NOT A GOOD IDEA!

So, the funny Charlie Brown part of my day is the cake at the office. A woman's birthday was yesterday and they only used half the cake, so they are seriously going to roll out a cake that says:

Y

RTHDAY

It's fucking hilarious and made me start laughing. Oh, on top of that it was an ice cream cake that they put in the fridge. Seriously?!?! I really think I'm turning into some kind of fictitious character. This does not happen to normal people.