The Dave

The night kinda began with a text that read "I do it for the blog."

I know. What it do? I went home from work early and got to 40% completion on GTA IV. My neighbor walked by and said "Dude, I'm going to happy hour at The Cheesecake Factory in an hour. You should go." I thought to myself that that sounded like getting drunk at Applebee's and then decided that it at the very least sounded interesting.

So, I went. We hung out with a guy that was having a birthday and works at my neighbor's gym and his buddy Dave. I got in a book argument with a guy reading Ken Follett and wrote down things on a bar napkin that could make his life more interesting including Palahniuk's book "Survivor." We left when we were hammered at like 8:00 PM.

We were out front and half of us wanted to go buy a jazz record. I told them to go ahead, but I get The Dave. The Dave had turned into a bargaining chip. He was wasted and would laugh at anything. He was a perfect sidekick. I grabbed The Dave and went to another bar with him. Got more fucked up. I bumped into a girl that made out with my date one night. Love her. The guy she was with just constantly said "Where do I know you from?" over and over and over. So, anyway, myself and that girl are having a conversation and I give The Dave my credit card and tell him to grab us some drinks. I go back to where The Dave was and he's gone.

I texted the other half of the group that was busy dropping the jazz record down a sewer and let them know that I lost The Dave. We were all devastated. As a sidenote, I woke up with an extra ATM card in my wallet and I think it is The Dave's. So, after the rest of the group minus The Dave was put back together, my neighbor snuck away and it was just me and the guy whose birthday it was. We ended up at another bar. At this point, we had no business interacting with the public. I think I even stopped drinking because I knew better and was acting as a minder because dude was disturbing some people that were larger than us.

Anyway, I woke up this morning at 8:00 AM and totally lacked a The Dave in my life. It's not like a gay thing. It's like being Morris Day and having a Jerome. Who wouldn't want something like that?

All right, I've got to go to Target and buy some sleeveless shirts for a weekend project. Did you know that a sleeveless shirt is less than a gallon of gas? Scary. I know.

By the way, Metal Mania on VH1 Classic is just killing it this morning. It's like MTV Spring Break in 1989 with a smidgen of Headbanger's Ball thrown in. Judas Priest. Poison. Maiden. Skid Row. Fifty bucks says that The Scorpions are next. Dude, if it's Big City...It's Photograph by Def Leppard. Even better. One of the best songs ever. EVAR.

Holy shit. I take everything back. They are playing the new Def Leppard video and it's a fucking Shania Twain video. What happened? What the fuck is this? Why can't I find an Interrobang on my keyboard for the ends of these sentences? Seriously. Def Leppard sounds like Young Country now. I'm going to go cry in the bath. This is just sad.