Don't Stop Believin'

So, I believe in Bigfoot, Jung's Collective Unconsciousness, the beats on Portishead's Dummy album, anything a blonde and fit woman with an English accent says, and sometimes the ill workings of my subconscious.

The subconscious is definitely an issue with me as I'm convinced that my mind has turned on me about 40% of the time and see it as a struggle to sleep through the night. This may sound paranoid, but this is really when your subconscious comes out to beat up on you when your mental defenses are down.

On numerous occasions, I've been waking up in a pool of sweat, which sucks because the only thing worse in the world of laundry than whites is bedding or linens as they are called by women. They are the motherfuckers of all that which is laundry. It's like being a bed wetter, but less socially alienating and gross. Oh, I'd imagine it doesn't smell as awful...this is not about bed wetters.

So, anyway, the reason I bring it up is that through random acts of kindness and karma bank deposits as of late, something may have changed. I mean there was a flu blankets comment out at drinks after work the other night that kind of offended someone, but that comment is polar. It will go over great or make someone leave. It's one of the risks of being funny. Some topics like space shuttle jokes are iffy, but can still be funny, too. With my luck, I would make some Columbia comment to an astronaut and feel like the biggest asshole in the world. Second biggest, actually, until Dick Cheney passes away.

One karmic deposit entails me turning down money to let someone use my address to keep their kid in the school district. She offered me $200, but that would feel dirty like when a girl leaves $50 on the nightstand after a one night stand. It's a gross feeling. I just have to lie for someone else's benefit. It's like a really watered down and less dangerous version of Anne Frank.

Another deposit occurred when I found children adorable. That was fuckin' weird, but they were at the time. I even felt compelled to text The Breeder and let her know. Whodathunk that kids could be cute this day and age? Hmmm, maybe they were raised with human interaction and not parked in front of J.J. The JetPlane DVDs on the idiot box. Swear to god, wolves are a safer option of child rearing when compared to television.

Next, I made tacos for my neighbor and his kid with a recipe that a high school friend gave me. No Lawry's seasoning, but the real deal. They are the bombass tacos. The kid wouldn't eat it because he's at that phase where he only eats the meat parts of things. No buns, no lettuce, no pinto beans in this case. He hates pinto beans. It's okay because I hate Garbanzo.

So, been doing nice things and respecting others and there is definitely the Jungian version of libido shifting in my psyche. Look it up. It's not the sexual kind of libido as described by Freud. When you're coked up, it's all about yourself and sex and is a little bit intense, but I'm no psychologist so maybe he was right.

Anyway, so that in turn affects your subconscious, blah blah blah. I had a weird fuckin' dream last night that took place at a Starbucks back in Pleasanton where my sister and I went in and I got a Non-Fat Vanilla Latte and then talked to a girl I know. While we were talking she goes, "Why are you in just your underwear?" and I looked down and sure enough, nothing but grey boxer briefs. I felt embarrassed and walked out with my sister past a dude walking a small dark brown dog that had grey and black hair down his back that looked like Chewbacca's bandolier belt thing. It was like a tiny Chewbacca. That was fuckin' awesome.

So, the verdict on the whole experience this morning when I thought about it in the shower is that just like the going to school naked dream is related to insecurity about yourself and fear of new things, my subC is telling me that this person makes me feel insecure and should be taken with a grain of salt like a really friendly bank teller or co-worker. Just because a dog is cute and fun to pet does not mean that you should feed it or take it home. Unless it's that dog with that Chewbacca belt thing. God, that was awesome.