Smitter Smatter

Bulletpoints from the last 48 hours.

-Carded a guy last night whose last name was "Sportsman." I wasn't going to let him in and accused him of being some kind of McLovin smartass until someone told me that they knew a guy whose last name was "Cheeseman." I let him in and was inspired to change my last name to "Fuckstache."

-Watched a guy who put on a purple plastic glove every time he came out front to smoke last night.

-Conversation:
"I don't like to buy porn unless I have a boyfriend with me. If I buy it by myself I feel creepy."

"Here is a web site. I'd hate to see you deprived of your porn habit."

That was inspired by the guy I saw at Fry's browsing porn. Browsing porn at Fry's takes balls.

-The bouncing gig is coming real close to becoming a real weekend gig. It completely flips my schedule on the weekends, but really contributes to me being a much better person. I had four beers all weekend. One before shift and one after shift. I'm actually getting quite good at it now and it saves me a shit ton of money. I think I'm starting to care for it. My respect level at the bar has increased tenfold and regulars don't look at me like "that guy" anymore. In fact, I met a lot of people that knew me or had hung out with me that I've never remembered. It was quite pleasant.

-I can wash my hair again and I'm not even wearing a hat. The gash is not handsome by any means, but it's not that bad. I need to make a hair appointment, though, because my plastic surgeon is no cosmetologist and just shaved through an essential section of my hair. It'll grow back, but in the meantime?

-The Vicodin is piling up due to nausea that prevented me from taking it. Pappy has his eye on it like a Catholic priest at an under ten boys soccer game.

-Thank you for the homage to raccooning D, it made me crack up.

-Reading "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz. Motherfucker can write and footnote like crazy. One word so far for the book would be Vernaculous. I haven't really liked Pullitzerish books since Kavalier & Clay, but this is really good. The guy could write the warning on the side of a Tampon box and make it interesting with his choice of words.