Living With The Living

I took an unplanned vacation this morning and slept in until ten. Then, when holding the covers over my head would not change the world, I called my boss and asked her if it was really necessary that I come in. She said yes and the covers really weren't helping. I did discover that you actually can buy sleep in the form of vacation hours while you sleep in on a Friday. It's kind of sad when the e-mail is postmarked at 2:00 AM, though. Oh shit, I think I ate Jack in the Box last night and told all of my secrets to someone while I was drinking. Whatevs. Seriously, if you want to know anything about me put two Ketel and sodas in me and sit me on a bar stool and be kinda cute. It goes like this: "Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah."

Now, I just need to figure out where I got these momjeans that I'm wearing. Irregardless, a few things need to be covered this morning. I actually purchased the new Ted Leo album a couple of days ago. Why? Him and the Pharmacists deserve it. Plus, it spares me the work of going to the show when he is in town and giving the merch guy twenty bucks to clear my conscience. To be completely honest, I was a little let down by his show at Noisepop this year, but there's no denying the guy is good.

First of all, the album is called Living With The Living and is available from iTunes for $9.99, however if you buy it in your local record store...scratch that, those are all gone. Go buy it at Borders for way too much and you get a bonus CD which I don't have. There is a Chumbawumba cover on it that really got the indie writers abuzz. I haven't heard it. So, anyway, the album overall totally goes political, but also has some songs that show the other side of current events and touches on the issue that at the end of the day we are all just people trying to get by. This topic was also explored in the theme song from Good Times and countless Curtis Mayfield songs. Here are the tracks:
1. Fourth World War - Ambience that leads into Sons of Cain

2. Sons of Cain - I'm actually getting bible references now and technically, if the bible is correct we are all children of Cain and products of incest, as well. It's your book, not mine. Good song. This one has been plugging up pipes on the Internet for a while now. He played it live on KEXP. Also, it is not a truck.

3. Army Bound - I think this is a really cool song. The change from the intro to the verse is a trip and makes no sense musically, but totally works. Classic Ted Leo. Sounds like the Pretenders, Joe Jackson and Joe Strummer put into a magic bullet. Listen to this and put on a pair of old Chuck Taylor's and old jeans and gaze at your fucking shoes.

4. Who Do You Love? - Three times in the song you think you are listening to I Fought The Law. I swear. It's cool, though. He mellows out a few times on this album and plays music very soothingly. Always has that rad change to the chorus, though. Always. He's a good writer. He likes to build you up and then drop you down in a very dynamic way. This song has a lot of it.

5. Colleen - Am I seriously going to review this fucking album song by song? So, Colleen, second in a series with Me and Mia from the last album. Ted Leo is now required to write a song about a chick on every album. This song gets your head bobbing, though. Great harmony a la Hearts of Oak Ted Leo. One of the Pharmacists used to be a chick. Good and tasteful guitar solo that works as a song within in song with a beginning, middle and end. That's how you write 'em if you are keeping score at home.

6. A Bottle of Buckie - This song starts out just like the One Who Got Us Out from Shake The Sheets or Don't Fear The Reaper by BOC. A song about hanging out in Jersey and towns where people grew up and visiting old friends. I'd imagine there is a sage-like older gentleman somewhere in the song, too. What the f? There is a penny whistle in the song. Yep, there's the sage-like dude at 1:52 in. Cool song, though. It goes on your chill out mixtape to impress the chick who works at Borders and reads Bukowski. The mixtape is so back, by the way, in the form of an iTunes playlist.

7. Bomb.Repeat.Bomb - Is fuuuuuuuuuuucking awesome. This is worth the price of admission. It starts out all disjointed with over the top messages about the war that could be taken as satire or dogma depending on the color of your state and education level. The song builds around the people who say "Just bomb the fuck out of 'em" without really thinking it through. On the other hand, it expresses how fucked up it is that so many kids are getting killed on the ground over there. Anyway, no soapboxing today. Serious, when it goes from the scratchy guitar to the big chorus, I almost tear up. I had sex once. Seriously, only once and when my counterpart got to where she was going, she started weeping. It was super weird, but the memory sticks with me. Crying and sex. Nuts and Gum. Orange Juice and Toothpaste. Think about it.

8. La Costa Brava - The album is pretty strong right here. Awesome song to listen to on a beach in Mexico. The song just cruises along and says take a breather and forget about the crap on the news everyday and just slow the fuck down. There is a reason that you get out of bed everyday and there is good in people and peace out there if you can find it. I like this one. It also sounds like a really good burrito. You should really visit that link right there.

9. Annunciation Day/Born On Christmas - What's up poetry slam guy? Oh, it resolves like a goddamn Queen song 55 seconds into it. Holy crap, this is a Queen song for a minute. I like that. Freddie Mercury was the coolest gay guy ever and you can quote me on that. John Oates is the second coolest. Short and sweet. This song is cool, it could have been expanded on.

10. The Unwanted Thing - I hated this song live. His guitar tone kills on this song. It's a semi-hollow Gibson played through a Fender Blackface and I'm going to guess a small stone phaser. I could be wrong, but I really like it. There's got to be someone doing the paw on a keyboard behind it, too. This song has a time and place, but it's not here and now. There is a whole vacation vein of music on this album. It's a good song, it's just not my thing.

11. The Lost Brigade - This song gets all Camaro rock at the beginning. This is very 70s rock and has a little more studio magic than previous albums. This song moves. It feels like you are on a treadmill when you listen to it. This has gotta be what a dog feels like with its head out of a car window. It's because there are accents on the upbeats. Really cool bass line on this one. They are definitely channeling some Blue Oyster Cult right here. Totally random note, but wouldn't it be awesome if they based a movie on the Atari game Defender? It would be like Choplifter in space. So sick. Choplifter you will not be forgotten.

12. The World Stops Turning - Thin Lizzy. Straight up. Boys Are Back in Town. No brainer. Changes it up in the chorus. Good chorus. Bridge brings it down. Name drops pricks and hacks. This is a good one. Seriously, writing about every song is so excessive and unnecessary, but I'm on 12 out of 16, so I have to finish. Ted Leo has mastered writing guitar solos that are tasteful. There is one on this song.

13. Some Beginner's Mind - Ted posted a bunch of practice sessions for the album on his site, so this has been on the Interwebs, as well. His voice sounds like The Outfield on this song. It makes me think of Josie. It's got that epic bass drum drone at the beginning paired with chords that have to be played with Pete Townsend pinwheels. It's a'ight.

14. The Toro and the Toreador - I thought it might be about a Toro lawnmower, but it's not. This song does not rock, but if you are into tremeloed out guitars and crooning, this song is for you. He says animus in this song. Gets kinda Beatlesy on this one two minutes into it. It might not be that bad. Oh, wait for it...it started rocking.

15. C.I.A. - This is the first time I've gotten this deep into the album. One word for this song: Guantanamo. Very simple song built mostly to support a message of thoughtful and insightful lyrics. Ted Leo has a fuckin' message.

16. The Vain Parade - Lo-fi. Sounds like an old Samhain recording, production wise. Like a boombox. 1970s reggae on an acoustic guitar. Cool, though. Good way to wrap up an album. It fades into a barrage of noise and distortion.

So, that's it kids. I'm wiped. I have nothing to say anymore. The album is worth buying and I'm sure as I listen to it more, the lyrics will give me more messages. This album did not jar me like Shake The Sheets and Hearts of Oak did, but that may be because I'm building up a tolerance to Ted Leo. It's comparable to the first time I heard Pet Sounds or East bay Grease. It's a life changing event that can never be recreated.

Update: Bomb.Repeat.Bomb video on Pitchfork.

Escape From The Island of Misfit Toys

At all of my jobs 'cept one of them, I have looked around and been like "Do I really belong here?" "Are these my peers?" "Would this be my jury if I ever did anything wrong?" This is hard sometimes and eventually I decided that to be a giant easily you must surround yourself by midgets. It seems I've done that, in some cases, or at the very least in my mind I have. In social situations, if the conversation is weak, unchallenging or uncompelling, I will often just turn out mine own lights by way of a brown bottle somewhere, however at work you can't always do that. Well, I guess I could when I did PR, but not in my current position. Also, not in my current frame of mind.

Anyway, my boss, which was one of the main reasons for staying in my current occupation announced her resignation today and will be gone in a month. Now, not only do I feel like I'm on an island, but my name is, in a box on an org chart, on an island. This is not a good thing, so I have been forced to start lashing together my raft to escape the island and find a new job, possibly. My job is safe, but I fear for my sanity if I stay. It's basically throwing your hands up to everyone that you have tried to help, that throws your face into some kind of work-fueled filibuster by dragging their feet, that they win. It's pretty much the mom telling her kid in the toy aisle, "Fine. I'm leaving. You can stay here if you want that toy so bad."

Now, I'm just trying to figure out what I do and how well. I'm not feeling superemployable in a cut and dry way because I've done a little bit of everything in my current job. Yes, there are databases and pop-up blockers and Visio diagrams. There are business processes, validation reports and ad hoc query creation, but what does it all amount to? I'm not sure.

Also, looking back at all of the previous jobs and realizing what a long trip it has been to here is kind of weird. It brought up this horrible memory of being in an Oracle SQL class on Valentine's Day which was my anniversary at the time. First and only one was that year and I think we ended up staying in and having a nice dinner, but I remember just feeling wore out and unhappy, but going through the motions anyway. As it turned out, so was she. The whole memory is just so depressing somehow and speaks volumes about this job. The last two years have been very difficult and unrewarding much like the relationship.

Anyway, the whole experience is pushing me back into a bunch of books to sharpen my skillset and be a badass, but it's overwhelming to take on all at once and sometimes I just shutdown before I can even begin. Regardless, it should be an interesting month coming up. I'm sure it won't be boring, so I've got that going for me.

In Case you Forgot

Electric by The Cult is a great friggin' album. It's when Rick Rubin turned them into AC/DC kinda, but it's sick. With all of the emo shit I've been listening to lately, it's very refreshing to just hear some rocking. Ozzy works, too. In fact, LA Guns works, but I'll never say it to your face, however, AFI sounds a ton like LA Guns to me, so it must still be relevant. Anyway, this is just a reminder to not forget and yeah, Ian Astbury sounds a ton like Jim Morrison and there is even a song called Peace Dog to compare to Peace Frog by The Doors, but Stone Temple Pilots did fine when they sounded just like Pearl Jam on their first album and for all the old timers don't forget those faux-zeppeliners Kingdom Come. I think Kingdom Come may be huge in Germany.

Just a reminder.

Freak Job

Something tells me that this woman spends a lot of money on peanut butter every month.

Owner Says Dog Saved Her With Heimlich - Yahoo!

Cynical Depression

I made my first American Idol text vote last night and just felt dirty. It has a lot to do with Vote For The Worst and how much I hate the show now. I want to see it turn on itself. I want to see it destroy and mock itself. I actually even watched last night's episode and it's really a karaoke competition gone bad. As I sat there, though, and thought about the ramifications (and ramekins since I was near the word in the dictionary) of this movement, I realized i might be making a huge mistake and inadvertently giving in.

When better than thou hipsters start turning against schlock and mobilize on the Internet you get situations like Snakes on a Plane and "Are You Smarter Than A fifth Grader." It starts off funny as we marvel at the lameness of an idea and watch to see how bad it is. This is the rubbernecking of the media. The only problem is that marketers find and analyze this audience. The step that follows is the strategic targeting of that audience and then congratulations, you and your Internet movement have just lowered the bar to make horrible standard. This makes the way for Deal or No Deal and pretty soon "How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up behind My Back."

The gist of my argument (if it could even be called that) is that the consumer should ultimately have the power and if not funded, any idea or concept should sink. This is totally moot when it comes to Jennifer Lopez. She must have given pints of blood to the devil or have some serious dirt on her publicist because she has no right to even be a part of pop culture. One word: talentless. So, anyway, if you pay your ten dollars to go in and clown on a movie, you've just helped produce the next shittier one. If you buy the Daughtry album to leave in your co-workers office so that you can walk in and go "Oooh. What's this CD co-worker?" in front of everyone in your office, you've just bought that douche bag lunch.

So, as I push that talentless piece of poo, Sanjaya through to the finals, I will feel a bit dirty, but hope that eventually the public between California and New York will have some kind of idea of what's really been going on the whole time. Taylor Hicks? American Idol? Give me a fuckin' break. The only thing similar between him and Elvis is maybe weight and age. It was a joke.

And Ryan fuckin' Seacrest...I gotta work.

Update: Addenda Sanjaya article on Yahoo!

For When you Don't Want to Work...

Trivial Pursuit (R) Bring on the 90s Test your 90's knowledge in this special version of the popular trivia game.

This morning, this is a godsend. I'm currently suffering from a slight accidental Acetaminophen Overdose and am watching my cheeks get progressively yellower. It's really weird and sucky. I read the short article on it and it said something about immediate help, but I think I'll just go check eBay for a new liver. Apparently, the yellow lets you know that the Acetaminophen has turned toxic and is attacking my liver. So, I've gone from hay fever to yellow fever in a week all in the name of sleep. Awesome.

It may work out, though, because I want to write a profile of Mario Cipollina, the bass player of Huey Lewis and The News and if I can't get back to work, I just might do it. In the meantime, get your Trivial Pursuit on and thank me later.

Lego My Ego

Slipped and slightly sprained my ego last night so bad.

The day started pretty normal. I've had horrible allergies so I was up at 8:00 in the morning on Sunday and took a Claritin and ran to Target to buy household sundries and two bags (I put two back) of Starburst Jellybeans. I was supposed to go get an oil change and do some laundry, but the day took an unexpected turn. My mom said she was going to come out to visit, which is pretty nice since she was obviously slumming it up in Palo Alto by not hanging out at my sister's place in the Marina. Duh, it's way nicer there. It went from that at 10:00 AM to my sister, her boyfriend, my stepdad and lil Charlie coming over to visit. We hung out a bit at my apartment and T came over and I gave Charlie a soccer ball. She's a dog and she's English, so she immediately referred to the soccer ball as a football. It was embarrassing.

My sister took off and I went to lunch and basketball with my parents and T. We drank two pitchers and a couple Beerzookas and bumped into friends from college. I got attacked by some dude on the back patio about three hours into the blotto Sunday. It was super weird and uncomfortable. Some dude decided to bear hug me and start punching me in the arm. My immediate reaction was to punch him in the face, but when I looked at his eyes I thought he might be retarded. So, instead, I just let him beat up on me a little bit and then he goes "Hey dude. Do me a favor." And I said "What" to be nice. Then, I look down and he is taking a piss underneath the table in the middle of the patio. I went inside and talked to one of the bartenders to find out if the guy was retarded in an effort to to hedge my bets. She said that he was just wasted and just then he pulls up out in front of the bar in his car bumping techno to wave goodbye to everyone. What a fuckin' freak.

So, anyway, my parents peeled off and we had a few more drinks with my friend from college and his roommate and went to another bar where my old neighbor recognized me. This is your instant replay slo-mo of my ego bruise. I had seen her a couple of weeks before at a bar and it was obvious that she wasn't engaged to her fiance anymore and she was kind of cute with a twist of nerdy. So, I thought about it for a second. Then, she started talking to me and introduced me to her friends she was with. One guy had a hook arm, so I'm thinking "Wow. Might have a chance if she is into dudes with hooks for hands, however she might have a pirate thing and then I'm done. I've got nothing." So, then the conversation gets weird and she starts talking about how I was an addict when we were neighbors. I'm not a drug addict in anyway. I have credentials on that subject. Drink a bit? Yes. Drugs, not really.

So, at that point, I'm flabbergasted and just like whatever. So, the night persists and as we are leaving she is sitting in the corner of a dive bar reading a book. I asked her what it was and she would not tell me. So, then I said "Fine." "Show me a page and let me see if I can tell you what book it is." She wouldn't even show me a page. It was probably Harry Potter. Anyway, she looks at T, the girl I was with, and goes "Are you into girls?" T saw my face and removed me from the bar because I was about to go apeshit at that event. I'm still a little pissed off and have dedicated my social life downtown to making this woman's life as difficult as possible. It's a little vindictive, but I feel it's my duty. Dude, if you are into chicks and dudes with hookarms, that's your deal, but at least let me see what you are reading.

Then, in the cab on the way home, T made sure she let me know that she could have taken that girl home without trying and I would never. I guess moments like that need to happen every once in a while to keep you humble, but they are not enjoyable. No.

Hay!

As I sit here wallowing in my misery, I started wondering why people stopped getting Hay Fever. The last reported case I remember occurred while I was rocking Out Of The Cellar by Ratt on my waterproof Sony Sports Walkman and most likely had a Vision Street Wear Gator hip pack on. That's just a guess. Anyway, it was my neighbor and he used to get really bad hay fever.

So, anyway, was there some kind of vaccination that got handed out where people don't get this anymore? Is there still a "haying season" and if so, when does it occur? And, how did I get hay fever if no one else gets it anymore. I'm that retro, I think. So, hipster that I don't get allergies anymore, I get hay fever. I'm bringing hay fever back the way JT did with sexy, although Prince claims that it was never gone because he was still sexy and therefore if it had never left, how could JT bring it back. If A+B=C then C+B=A. That sums that up.

Check out the link to the info about hay fever in your day to day struggle to be smarter than a fifth grader. After all, at the end of the day isn't that what it's all about? Be smarter than a fifth grader and pick out the right briefcases.

Allergiesus Saves

First off, I had no idea that I had allergies until the last couple of days. Turns out that I'm probably allergic to some sort of tree. I, being the genius that I am, started taking cold medicine thinking that that would help and as it turns out. It makes it much worse. I can't move right now.

Total tangent, but my neighbor has been with this married chick for two years now and he's having some kind of argument with her. It's really funny with they have cheating fights about her cheating on him. It's physically impossible or somehow cancels out like two negatives being a positive. She's come by his place like three times this week. The frustrating thing is that he is having a longer more functional relationship than I have been able to create with anything and she's married. I still don't think it could ever be my thing, but my hat's off to it.

Anyway, just a couple of things this barely before afternoon. You should be using netvibes by now. I've been a huge fan of bloglines forever now, but I am slowly moving towards netvibes. It's just way more Web 2.0.

Second thing. I was going through Digg and there was this link to somethingawful with parodies of Choose Your Own Adventure books. It gave me chuckle and I thought I would share.

I need to go be nauseous now.

There Should be a Law (You Assholes)

My new pest is the fuckheads (weird usage) who fill up Crystal Geyser bottles at every drinking fountain at the gym. The Nalgene bottle was slightly annoying, but the Nalgene bottle became a sort of status symbol for a while kind of like the Camelbak did with guys who wear biking cleats. The ten ounce or whatever Crystal Geyser bottle, however, makes me want to kick people in the ass as hard as I can.

The hunched over posture for ten minutes is kinda buggish, but then when you get around and see their concentration face that looks like somewhere between taking a shit and working on a word search and see how hard they are concentrating on getting the tiny stream of water into the tiny hole, you want to start kicking in the ass. Or, at least I do.

I thought I would acclimate to it and get used to it like how you get used to the guy in the cut-offs and no sleeve shirt and gloves at the gym. Or, guys with tribal arm band tattoos everywhere. This one hasn't gone away and I've given it a month. I guess the tribal armbands one hasn't either. Then there's socks and Teva guys. They still piss me off, too. Okay, fine. I've gotten used to people that like 24 and even don't lash out at people when they talk about Deal or No Deal. It's a work in progress.

All I have to say is that there should be a law against yooge people in spandex at the gym and these fucking bottle dwellers.

Rock And Roll Hall Of Booshit

I went pseudo-Kenobi this weekend which consisted of getting major yeah-yeahs out on Friday night astride my trusty Schwinn Heavy Duty. I wasn't even going to touch my car this weekend if I had a whiff of alcohol. Checkpoints and whatnot intimidate me. So, anyway, got pretty much blackout on Friday and was swept up by an enabler who cared for me and got me home with my bike and everything. I must have been a raving asshole and I kind of feel sorry about that, but let off all of the steam that had built up. So, needless to say, I missed St. Patty's day pretty much and am totally okay with it.

So, that puts me at St. patty's day which was spent laying by the pool with my iPod finishing up The Odyssey finally.

My complex pool is poor socially. To tell the truth, I don't even know what everyone is saying most of the time and they could be talking trash about me in Spanish, Portugese, Japanese and Chinese for all I know. I've learned the International sign for small Asian kid drowning, though, and have had to pick one or two out of the pool before.

So, I sat there for about three hours in and out of consciousness, developing a red stripe across my stomach. It's one of the disadvantages of being single. Hetero dudes do not know how to apply sunblock to themselves. I even managed to sunburn the rim of my belly button. It was a nice time, however. I woke up about 4:00 PM and went back to my apartment and showered. I was couchridden for the rest of the night and again was in and out of consciousness until I woke up and saw that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony was on and I remembered that Van Halen was inducted, so I watched intently, hoping for a glimpse of all that is "Diamond" David Lee Roth.

Keith Richards was inducting The Ronettes, which was pretty cool. Then, The Ronettes got up and performed a couple tunes with a stand-in Ronette for the performance and oh, there's fucking Paul Schaeffer and the Letterman band playing everything. Nothing against him, but Paul Schaeffer is fucking annoying. At this point, I was like "Oh Fuck. Is Paul Schaeffer and his band going to play Van Halen covers with a horn section?"

So, a few more inductions take place including Zach De La Rocha inducting Patti Smith and sneaking in a denunciation of George Bush and his "illegal war." I'm a fraud because I never got into Patti Smith, but her first album came out the year I was born. I should probably catch up on some of it, as she was so humble and sweet in receiving her induction and then shot out bolts of energy with her performance.

The queen of soulfood got up and sang for way too long. She bugs. At this point, I was wishing I had started the show late and could fast forward and also craving a gravy and tonic.

So, I think Van Halen was next and before they went to the commercial break, the crowd camera showed Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar. Wha!?!?!?!?! I started bracing myself for disappointment the way I should've before I ever said "I Do" to anything and then also as I will when I am in line for The Transformers movie in July. Aim low.

Velvet Revolver comes out to induct Van Halen. First question: Where the fuck is Gene Simmons to induct them as he financed their first real demo? Second question: Who is going to perform the Van Halen tunes? After Zach De La Rocha's eloquence inducting Patti Smith, the Velvet Revolver microphone hot potato came off like a shitty International Business presentation in college...that I gave wasted with my very disappointed group while leaning on the blackboard. I got a C on it.

They finish and then VH1 showed clips of Velvet Revolver massacring, in a way of desecration, "Ain't Talking 'Bout Love." It was horrible. Then, they covered "Poundcake?" No, it was "Runaround" off of For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge and it was barely recognizable. I was just staring at the screen with my jaw on the floor. Then, they showed Sammy Van Hagar and Michael Anthony accepting the induction. It was like the Wonder Twins accepting something for the Super Friends or Janet Jackson accepting an award for Diff'rent Strokes. Just wrong. Michael Anthony even said this: "This also goes out to Gary Cherone because he was a part of Van Halen, too." Or something like that. First of all, Sammy Hagar shouldn't even be up there because he is not even eligible as part of Van Halen to be inducted. Second of all, nobody even noticed that Van Halen made an album with Gary Cherone and then was dropped from their label soon after. Beyond that, Gary Cherone can be indirectly blamed for Eddie being in rehab. The rest of the blame would rest on Eddie being crazy as fuck.

After that travesty, VH1 showed Sammy wearing an OU812 t-shirt underneath a blazer and I just thanked god he didn't have on his off-red (rocker) Cabo Wabo puffy pants on while he performed "Why Can't This Be Love" with Paul Schaeffer and his band. It finally did happen. Paul Schaeffer's horn section was playing Van Halen. Through all of this, were The Atomic Punks not available and would it be wrong to have a tribute band play rather than a band giving tribute?

So, next was R.E.M being inducted by Eddie Vedder who was very humble and eloquent like Zach De La Rocha and it was a really nice speech. It just made me think of listening to Document and Murmur over and over again on tape and that I should really put them on my iPod. Before they got with shiny happy people, they were at the very least, extremely influential and need to be heard to understand our generation's musical vernacular. They are unhateable. They also performed with their complete original lineup except for Eddie Vedder singing parts of "Man On The Moon." It was almost goosebumpable and it's why you watch this type of thing.

Irregardless, I'm assuming the Van Halen debacle is why I'm having extreme insomnia lately. Back on the Tylenol PM again. Thanks Van Halen. I mean the fucking network is VH1 as in Van Halen #1. It's just inexcusable. There wasn't even fottage of David Lee Roth via satellite while he rode a unicorn on the moon, which I guarantee you he was doing at the time.

Housekeeping...

...or posting a blog in 11 minutes.

Here are some of the search entries that got people to the blog. Some of them are also possible band names.

1. Hugh Voltage
2. drive thru headset in n out
3. hughvoltage
4. drinking green tea while taking welbutrin xl
5. maxim what was I just talking about?
6. l5 vertebra sex testicle
7. Neutrogena Age Fighter
8. skate to create bones brigade
9. Johnny Rad skate and create
10. skate wheels

Band name: L5 Vertebra Sex Testicle
Album Title: Drinking Gren Tea While Taking Welbutrin XL

Virtual Miscellanity

I think I may have a crush , regardless here is soundtrack for a crush that I'm way too old for (not in a Megan's Law way or anything) and a kickass recommended playlist for a little over an hour of life:

1. The Shins - Split Needles
2. The Decemberists - We Both go Down Together (Live)
3. Frank Black and The Catholics - All My Ghosts
4. Jeremy Enigk - City Tonight
5. Silversun Pickups - Checkered Floor
6. Radiohead - Polyethylene (Parts 1 and 2)
7. Portishead - All Mine
8. Trail of the Dead - Wasted State of Mind
9. Minus The Bear - Women We Haven't Met
10. Jason Falkner - My Lucky Day
11. The Rentals - The Cruise
12. Arctic Monkeys - Mardy Bum
13. Hot Hot Heat - Oh Goddammit
14. Placebo - Infra-Red
15. Maximo Park - Limassol
16. Earlimart - We're So Happy
17. Pinback - Tripoli
18. Death Cab For Cutie - We Looked like Giants

I'll try and get these up more so that you know what you should be listening to. It's the least I can do. Seriously, the least.

Still Here. Still Queer. Get Used To It

I just wanted to check in with myself here because I hadn't posted in a while. To tell you the truth I didn't have a lot to say and I had been busy preparing for a presentation at a conference where I got all professional on their asses...and then turned back into the usual buffoon. Here are some quotes from others that can summarize the events that transpired.


"Seriously, quit talking to her or we'll lose our discount."

"Is that your boss over there, dancing with that dude?"

"The guy with the earring and the baldhead has the biggest crush on you."

"Jauge, there is 5 minutes until our presentation is supposed to start. Do you have the presentation and where are you?"

"You were in my dream last night and all of these good things would start to happen and then you would appear as the devil. No offense."

"What is your problem with breeders?"

"You watch Battlestar Galactica? That is seriously one of the nerdiest things I have ever heard."

Okay, next thing is that Lost sucks balls now. It feels similar to the Matrix trilogy. First one, you are like oh my god. Second one, you are like, okay they can still pull it off with a dark horse move. Third one, you are like Aw crap, what a colossal waste of time. Well, Lost is there. They are dragging out the story to sell commercials and that's when things get bad. I'll start citing examples of suckage when I have more time. I'll tell you what, Twin Peaks it is not. Twin Peaks didn't even fake like it was going to give you answers to any questions, though. Wait, have I made a horrible mistake?

Last thing, with the improved weather, I'm pulling Captain and Cokes out of the closet. With a lime squozen they really spice up day drinking.

And the last last thing is that Andy Barker, P.I. is fucking great and you should have watched the MTV cut of Awesometown by now. And for the haters, Andy Richter Controls the Universe is still brilliant in my eyes.

Enjoy the youtubage while you can. Ass, Gas, Grass or Cash; no one rides for free. I have a feeling youtube is going to follow the same business lifecycle that Napster did. It will go from something free and cutting edge and awesome to a regulated piece of shit ruined by corporate America. Also, it might get Google's stock price to a number that reflects their real value. There is no excuse, the story was told a 6 years ago yesterday and we've seen it before, so buy the Civic before you lease the 5 series, dummy.

All typoss and missspellings are the fawlt of work right now. I didn't have time to edit or put ingood links.

Going Kenobi

I sat around Sunday and thought about stuff at length. I got bored of that and grabbed the wrong file from work, so I watched Star Wars. It's what nerdy dudes do on nice days. As I watched and thought about the whole dubtrilo (Double Trilogy), I had a slight epiphany about Ol' Ben. Here it is:

Obi-Wan Kenobi came up in the Jedi game pretty legit and everything was going fine until his teacher died. We'll call this traumatic event number one. He worked through it and grew a beard and found some old friends to help him get through it. He didn't really have any family that was mentioned in any of the movies. Why did I never realize that before? I totally understand, though. you would think that after his teacher died, he would be able to go to his dad and work out some of the emotional baggage that he was holding. That's really weird. The only person that had a dad in the whole dubtrilo was Luke Skywalker and then Leia in Jedi. So let's sum up stage one of Kenobi. He is doing all right after a traumatic event, family isn't really there for him, but he has some friends to kick it with and he grows a beard. Things could be worse and he wil keep on keepin' it on.

Stage two is when he starts kicking it with Anakin Skywalker. He pretty much hangs with him 24/7 while they both work on getting better at the force. Anakin hooks up with a chick and starts acting weird. Eventually turning into Darth Vader and trying to kill Obi-Wan Kenobi. That is not a good friend. Obi-Wan hacks him up a bit and saves Vader's babies. So, this is the second traumatic event: stage two of Kenobi. Still pushin' along, but it's getting a little more complicated than it's worth.

So, now Obi-Wan is running out of people to kick it with. His best friend is "dead," Yoda moved away, and all the other Jedis are dead or have joined the order of the wine and stroller crowd. So, now Obi-Wan goes underground and decides that it's just not worth the investment of time anymore, so he moves out of town and quits returning phone calls. In fact, he doesn't even really bring his celly out with him anymore. What's the point? He starts hanging around the house in his robe and occasionally going down to the Cantina. Did you notice how well they knew him down there in Episode IV? When that dude told Luke he didn't like him, Ol' Ben just handled things and no one said a word. Obviously, not the first time it's happened.

So, Ben just kicks out the rest of his life until his ol' buddy Vader fucks him over on the Death Star, but he knew it was coming and he got his kicks in while he could. So, going Kenobi may not be that bad. I'm probably going to get sued for this and can't even post a pic of Ol' Ben for fear of Lucasfilm.

Monkey Magazine

I despise the Maxim Man with the armband tattoo in the bar, especially if he is with a cute girl, but my hat is off to Dennis Publishing and their Monkey Magazine. They may have created the Maxim Man, but their new magazine is pretty neato.

I don't remember how I found this, but I'm a huge fan. The interface is really cool the way it flows like a magazine, but each section can be drilled down or links to something. Give yourself a second and try not to get frustrated. It's one click to zoom back out and to turn the page just click the bottom corner when the page starts to pull back.

There's one drawback in that it's a little cumbersome to grab this and take it into the bathroom, but for sitting down at your coffeetable it's pretty cool. It's also very Euro because it's from England, so there is Wayne Rooney rather than Payton Manning coverage. That sucks for the Maxim man, but he will be cool with it because the girls get topless. It might be time to move to England. I just don't want to move there until I learn their language. I'll start with bollocks.