Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Hey Stacy, This is Some Great Kool-Aid

This is probably my bad for watching the first 30 minutes of The Social Network, but what the fuck?!?!?! Were the rights to Back of a Tampon Box taken? I watched The Pirates of Silicon Valley movie back in the day starring Noah Wylie as Steve jobs and Anthony Michael Hall as Bill Gates. That was interesting, if anything, because Anthony Michael Hall was playing Bill Gates. Social Network? One angry dwarf, spurned. Those four words plus "Justin Timberlake" can save you 90 minutes of your life. It was filmed very nicely, though, David Fincher is good. Also, Mark Zuckerberg's actual review of it in a bar to me one night was "I liked Fight Club better. Better ending." That was actually a perfect review.

So, anyway, the movie sprung a leak in my brain that I had been suppressing so as not to go fuckin' nuts. When I was a kid the future was jet packs and exploring space and defeating Russia. Now, the fact is this: Our economy, our future, our civilization and culture is driven by an application to send us personalized advertisements based on our personal information and also let us talk to people that in turn creates more information about us to send us more targeted advertisements and FUCKING COUPONS! It's one thing to respond to marketing. It's another thing to jump into bed with it and give it your spare key.

Really? Are we there now? Coupons and communication applications? Fucking Penny Saver and a goddamn phone. When you are in line for the Kool-Aid, look around you. Are these your peers? This has happened before. I said the same thing when Pets.com had free shipping on dog food and WebVan had free grocery delivery. You can tell something is not right. The numbers don't add up. Like, "Hey. Who left these free donuts here?" Don't ever get off the boat and don't ever eat the free donuts. Someone WILL send you a picture of the donuts on their dong. Anyone that invests in these overvalued IPOs will be getting a pic of a donut on a dong eventually. I can guarantee this.

So, let the "wealth" managers talk idiots into investing in overvalued stock that is going to lead us right down to a bunch of people feeling entitled to being bailed out and a bunch of investment firms that should feel guilty for kicking a retard in the mouth and we'll do it again. Seriously. It's coming and I think we earned it.