I'm a Whore

I was auctioned off last night for $120. I don't know if that is bad or good, but be good for goodness sakes. So...Christmas spirit in October.

The event was to benefit Hurricane Katrina victims and was a costume theme. Nobody told me the costume part, so I kind of stuck out. Nobody told me that I would be the only bachelor to auction off either. So, I got kinda bombed. Things about last night get blurry, but blurry for a good cause. I woke up this morning in a pretty nice hotel room I don't want to say where. There were two women in the bed next to the one that I was sleeping in and there was a woman in the bed that I was sleeping in. If I remember correctly, she was dressed up in a very hot outfit that I will not say what it is just in case someone could read this and put it all together. Nurse with giant boobs smashed together and Sexy Witch were in the other bed. You've got to love this Gay Christmas (Halloween) holiday. That's where things start coming back about what went down last night after the party. I remember the three women taking me to a bar in downtown San Jose............................We went to bed at 5:00 this morning. Seriously, I was expecting to wake up this morning in a bathtub filled with ice and missing a kidney or at least have my wallet stolen and have to pay for the room or something. Things are coming back today as it drags on and the night is getting weirder and weirder as I remember more stuff. One would think it was scripted.

I was worried about karma this morning when I went and got one of them a soda from the vending machine. I put my money in and hit the button and I shit you not, Cokes just kept coming out. I had six in my hands when I stopped pulling them out of the machine and could hear them keep coming out when I walked away. I think that is good karma. I'm a helper. A giver.

I think I forgot to rinse my conditioner this morning in the shower. That sucks. I'm super tired today and have a wedding in an hour and a half to go to. That should be interesting. I must stay in tonight and get sleep or I think my head will explode.

Freezy Money

It is so cold in my office right now that I am thinking about cutting a Tauntaun open and sleeping in it. Can't feel my hands.

The World Are you Serious?

Kinda sick, but events starting at 5:00 pm tonight have absolutely demanded a blog. First of all, Michael McDonald, Wynonna Judd and Halle Berry''s "sex addicted" husband, Eric Benet (sp?), plus one other person sang some new let's go America we are awesome song before the game. Then, they chase that with Michael McDonald singing the most soulful rendition of the national anthem that anyone has ever heard. The man still has it and could take Huey & The News anyday for the national anthem performance. Yeah, I call him Huey because I met him in fifth grade at Cal-Expo in Sacramento. He kind of smelled like weed. Seventh inning stretch had Aaron "I don't know Much" Neville singing God Bless America and after that I thought I could just coast through the rest of the game without the Banana Splits jamming through the outfield and what happens? Steve fuckin' Perry in a White Sox hat with Don't Stop Believin' playing in the background. Now, the man that sang Lights is a Chi Sox fan? WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I mean big props that he found baseball in 2002. Some band guys never do, but why not the Giants or the Modesto A's or something. Joe Buck went on about how during the season the Chi Sox would listen to Journey to keep them inspired this year. So, as a result, they requested that Steve Perry attend all of the World Series games. Don't you think that Neal Schon would have something to say about this. The guitar lick on the intro gets no credit over Steve Perry's vocals on that song. Smell of wine and cheap perfume? The movie never ends? What are these lines in comparison to Neal Schon's Crescendoing hammer-ons in the beginning of that song. I'm enraged. I will have to add to this when I have recovered. I am absolutely spent by having to think about this travesty.

Charm Wrestle

So, I was in the lobby waiting for my bi-weekly dose of therapy. It's funny, I spend an hour every two weeks talking about my lovely ex-wife and she spends an hour every two weeks talking about herself. There is something there in between the lines. Also, I think she may be the only person reading this. Not the man of mystery that I never was. I digress. I was sitting in the lobby reading American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. It must have looked like a manual in that environment. It felt awkward.

So, last night I had an idea. After softball, I would go have a beer and then go home and watch Lost. I had told the owner of the bar I would come back and we could strategize about his Wednesday and Thursday nights without going to the karaoke step. Well, we ended up hanging out for a while and I realized I was at the cab step. So, then these nerds in their Palo AltFits (blue/black pants and white or blue button up shirt) challenged me to arm wrestle for shots. So I did. I wasn't into it so I ended up having to buy one of the guys a shot. Then, they decided they should take me to another bar and I went with them. At the next bar, I bee-lined over to the bar to order a beer and started cracking up these two girls by bragging about my credit cards as a joke. I was pulling out my Safeway Club Card like I was going to pay with it. They cared for it and started asking me questions off of their Laffy Taffy wrappers like they weren't jokes, but actual questions. "Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend." I was berated for not knowing the answer to that. So, we start bagging on all the guys that I walked in with and calling every one of them Patrick Bateman and stuff when they would come over. We had decided that one of them was crazy and trying to figure out which one it was. Then some Lithuanian who was honestly like six feet ten walked up to one of the girls and asked her what he would have to do to get her to make sex to him. He was awesome. Good times. I think I have one of their numbers and it turns out it is real and it's from Ohio. That was fucking Wednesday. In retrospect, horrible decision, but who says fun can only be had on a Friday or Saturday.

Frigidly Devoted To You

I have the coldest office at work. It starts off comfy in the morning and then by about noon I can't feel my hands. The theory is that my work loves me so much that I am being cryogenically preserved. It's just kind of embarrassing when I have to take my giant clown Pez dispenser and close the vent when people are in my office.

I so have birdflu. I had a cold for all of last week, woke up in the middle of a Tylenol PM trip and thought I was going to die when I passed out on the bathroom floor at 5:00 AM and I still am not feeling better. It culminated with me losing my voice Saturday morning. Now, I would be lying if I said Friday night I didn't sing the shit out of "Running With The Devil" by Van Halen, but still, I used to be able to do that very frequently and not have this happen. So, birdflu. Now, I would also like to point out that I did not have said birdflu before my ex started communicating with me. Coincidence?

Things that are stupid:
1. Rocky VI - It's been joked about and I heard Mr. T will play an announcer in it as Clubber Lange, but it is still a horrible idea. It would maybe be good if in it Rocky Balboa executive produced a show about boxers that was so horrible they had to move it to MS-NBC for it's finale. Stallone is grasping at straws at this point. I'm thinking this will make Judge Dredd look like Citizen Kane.

Things that are scary:
1. Bigfoot, AKA Sasquatch. - Scary and don't think for a second that he or she is a myth. They are just smarter than us humans with their link to their instincts. If we weren't so soft from reality TV we could go out and not only find a Bigfoot, but then wrestle it to the ground and expose it to the world. I'll add that to my to do list. That makes Laundry, clean bathroom, and capture Bigfoot.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Honestly, right now, I would spend $3 and 63 cents to fall asleep. Two Tylenol PMs and I can't catch one z. Still sick, can't sleep. Talked to my ex for a little over an hour tonight. I can't fix any of my mistakes and I just sit there in bed exhausted thinking about them. Not a wink. This blog it now my bitching post, I guess. There is something so creepy about working on a computer in the dark, too.

I think I am going to go have another go at it. Actively sleeping.

Tylenol PMsnt

Still sick and I feel like the only person on earth right now so I thought I would write to myself. The Tylenol PM isn't working. It usually knocks me out, but as I sit in a dark apartment typing I feel like a cast member from Night Of The Comet. The tagline is awesome: "The last time it came the dinosaurs disappeared." Sounds like something the news would use to get you to watch a story on E Coli or something.

A weird thing happened tonight. I found myself pulling for the Yankees tonight and even Jeter. Is it possible to hate the Los Angeles of Anaheim in California, USA Angels that much? I hate Jeter. I don't know how this happened, but I might bring it up in therapy.

Also, had a talk with my mom tonight about stuff and she told me that she talked to my dad after he left us (my mom, my sister and I). She said she was single for five years. I really hope that one skips a generation. I will go crazy by then or just totally cut myself off from everything outside of work probably. Regardless, it looks like a fight with drinking is brewing again. That was awesome I used brewing in the sentence about drinking. I just need to figure out what I want to do. There must be something to immerse myself in that is productive, fulfilling and positive.

I'm also thinking about putting my torches out for my current run through Bridgetown. I received some gentle prodding tonight on that issue from an angel that used to be on my shoulder. I will never fall asleep at this rate. I wish I had a copy of The Notebook on DVD. I might have to put on Logan's Run and see if that works.

Life's A Breach

God, is breach spelled like that? Put that on the list of things that don't look spelled right. Chased a cold all over San Francisco at all hours this weekend. Caught it by this morning. I thought it was a just a combination of hangover and Tylenol PM. I even got ready for work and walked to my car before I decided that it wasn't right.

So, been at home all day and I tried to do some work, but my eyes are burning and my head hurts. This is when you miss having someone who cares around just to come give you a little what's up? and kiss you on the head when you have had no interaction with anyone all day. This is just the first time I have been sick and single. I really don't care for it. Also, the blog has been breached. Man of mystery, nothing.

I've played six games of FIFA Soccer 2004 (that's sad, but Arsenal was better that year) and watched The Incredibles.

Now, the Incredibles was a good movie, however it is one of those movies that parents just go on and on about because it is actually bearable to watch and their kids love it. The parents are following the plot in this case, and going "Oh, that's a lot like the fantastic four. Oh, I get it. Fantastic - Incredible. There are four fantastic fours and four Incredibles. Wow, how witty and look my child is laughing because the guy's window broke. That's not even really funny."

Not bagging on kids. Would love to have one someday to pull out of this rut and have somewhere to direct all of this restlessness and idle energy. Kids are like guns. If you put them in the wrong hands they are ruined for everyone. So, here is a bottle of pills and a helmet for all of those kids being ruined by those wronghands. There could be one near you for all you know.

Anyway, suns out. I need to put a big smile on to break through my miserable fog and quit being so super grumpy today. Thought about trying the Wellbutrin today, but it might be more appropriate to cut some chemicals out of my diet before I add anything else in. It's already complicated enough.

Th pic is totally unrelated to anything, but I can't believe my mom left me with those two coaches when I was 9 years old. They kept the equipment in old army bags and drove an El Camino to every practice and I'm just guessing, but I think they have seen the Scorps live. I wonder what Round Table they are managing right now.

Next blog, gonna bring the news and something of value.

Are you going to murder me or stage an intervention?

I know you are watching me.

I know you didn't check back twice.

If I were Superman, I would not be drinking Johnnie Walker Red for sure, but I suppose the red goes with his outfit. I would like to see General Zod come down to the same bar with Supes all tore up and get a bottle of at least Blue Label and just be like "Son of Jorel, your scotch kneels before Zod's."

All for now. Here's to nice times.

The RIAA will eat your baby

Might be late on this, but here is a link I grabbed off of digg. Indie god Steve Albini breaks down what's really going on the the RIAA acting like the mother hen to all of it's artists. Everybody knows they are evil and marketing shit to the masses through repetition and payola, but Albini uses numbers and things rather than just bitching about it with nothing to back it up like I would.

Steve Albini

Demon Haunted World

I'm re-reading Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan and there are a couple of passages that struck me:

"I have a foreboding of an America in my children's or grandchildren's time-when the United States is a service and information economy; when nearly all the key manufacturing industries have slipped away to other countries; when awesome technological powers are in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues; when the people have lost the ability to set their own agendas or knowledgeably question those in authority; when, clutching our crystals and nervously consulting our horoscopes, our critical faculties in decline, unable to distinguish between what feels good and what's true, we slide almost without noticing, back into superstition and darkness."

And:

"We've arranged a global civilization in which most crucial elements-transportation, communications, and all other industries; agriculture, medicine, education, entertainment, protecting the environment; and even the key democratic institution of voting-profoundly depend on science and technology. We have also arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology. This is a prescription for disaster. We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces."

The book was published in 1997 and rings so true to current events. It's just eerie. So we just need to keep reading Harry Potter books and taking our prescriptions and we should be fine as we slip into a Brave New World. Why can't Star Wars come true or something instead of these other books?

Kanye's Thoughts Not Heard In The West

We are a free nation that tries to spread our freedom to nations whether they want it or not. We want them to have the right to bear arms, free speech, racial equality, right to vote, etc...However, we cannot permit our own people to express their ideas and thoughts based on a keystone of our constitution if it is going to be beamed into people's living rooms. These messages are to be controlled and used to control those people that are not meant to read between the lines or look behind the curtain. They are better off not knowing what is out there beyond their front door or their nearest Applebee's. To find out the truth would make them feel shorted knowing they are not truly the divine creation of a supreme being and do not reside at the center of a 12,000 year old universe. Thank you NBC for not letting us hear what a celebrity has to say about current events. You have done us all a great service.

Kanye drops knowledge and is dropped from the West coast feed

In...Surgent Surgent Surgent. Emergency.

How do you get the President to leave his Summer break? Create insurgents within our walls. G-Dub is always down for an ass-whoopin' no matter where it is. Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, The Big Easy. Why not? Where there are people doing wrong, we can send men and women with guns. Don't get me wrong, the looters are definitely the bottom of the barrel when it comes to standards and you can not lump everyone into one category of scum. There are pictures of good citizens helping those that need help, but of course the media is focused on the mass exodus and the looting. Makes better footage. I just hope that at the end of this, we don't have them drawing up a constitution and I do hope that the state can recover, it is just such a duh scenario for the G-Duh-Booya administration.

By the way, INXS Rockstar is awesome. Can't explain why, but I am sucked in to it bad.

Pills Bury

I had some kind of crazy lumbar revolt going on earlier this week so I had to go home and have my own version of drug-fueled euphoria in the form of Flexirils. So, I got all setup like a teenager about to take mushrooms except instead of a blacklight, a Deep Purple record and a Betamax version of Alice In Wonderland, I had a remote control, a DVD, cell phone, and a glass of water. So, I stopped to get a DVD onthe way home from work and rented Sin City. As I was given the movie the Blockbuster guy (slave to the Mormon church) described to me that there were no late fees, but they would really appreciate it if we return the movies on time and then if after eight days it hasn't been returned, I obviously liked the movie so much that I want to buy it and my credit card will be charged for the movie. No more bullying by the movie place, it was very refreshing and is a weird corporate attitude, but I really liked it. Rather than demanding something, someone is asking nicely. Imagine if the RIAA was like "Please help us out and buy some music. If you bought more than we could lower the price and you could buy even more music." Instead, though, they say "Download any of that Kelly Clarkson and we will sue your ass..Thank you. come again."

So, Sin City . It was pretty cool visually. Kind of like the A-Ha video for "Take On Me" mixed with Who Framed Roger Rabbit with a sprinkle of any Tarantino movie. Most of the blood was white, which totally reminded me of Bishop from Alien when he gets cut open and starts spewing that white goo. I really like the color highlights that they worked into it and there are tons of girls butts.

Next, on the list is Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers. I actually went and paid $18 for it at Tower because I really like this band and thought they deserved the $3.50 per album cut that they get from Matador, hopefully. Great album. Mass Romantic is a little better, but this is still great. Songwriting is awesome and Neko Case kills me everytime I hear her voice. It's one of those voices like Tanya Donnelly or Aimee Mann where you just expect the woman to be painfully beautiful and then when their looks are average they still retain that beauty because their voice is so good. I'm not calling all of them average looking, either. The keyboard element is strong and the drums sound better than they have on earlier albums for some reason. Definitely receommended.

I also tried to checkout Minus The Bear's Menos El Oso after I heard some on KEXP the other day. It sounded good. Tower was out of it, so I will have to go find it this weekend.

Last thing, everytime a hurricane hits Florida I am a step closer to believing in God, Karma or Mother Earth. One of those three is trying to take care of us. I bet when the hurricane hits FLA there are just tons of ballots flying through the air still to this day.

This too shall pass.

R.I.P Bob Moog

Bob Moog passed away yesterday at the age of 71. A sad day in the music world. While he did not create any hits, he was an integral piece of some really great music and without having him behind the curtain making the gadgets, the public would have missed out on some great jams. In addition, prog-rock would probably have never happened...well it would have, but with ARP synthesizers instead.

To Each His Schon

Neal Schon, afro or post-afro was awesome. Not so much for playing, but for just being Neal Schon. He had his own custom, horrible looking guitar, an ongoing ego struggle with Steve Perry and also cut an album with Jan "Crockett's Theme" Hammer. That's my diversion this morning as I wait for some type of correspondence that is completely innocent and matter-of-fact, but will probably crush me.

I paid my wife's and my car insurance yesterday because I'm a huge douche with a sprinkle of wanting to maintain good credit and be responsible. I am getting more comfortable with the fact that I will be alone for awhile as chicks don't dig the pending divorce thing as much as dudes do. So, in the meantime, I am trying to do nice stuff for other people even though my therapist tells me to do more for myself. I would and I will once I figure out what that is.

Here is something that is less whiny and might be useful. Occassionally, I think about my past realtionship and overanalyze things and there is something that sprung to my mind as an indicator, in retrospect, of the doom attached to my relationship. The indicator was the decline of quality of gifts received from my significant other. That all culminated with the last Valentine's Day/Anniversary gift, granted it was a paper anniversary, I got a calendar and some SRO Giant's tickets. The thought counted and it was paper, however, we probably should have just given each other divorce papers then and spared myself a ton of hurt, but whatever. The Christmas preceeding that, she gave me some used DVDs from Blockbuster. One of the movies, I didn't even really like. So, I should have known she was going through the motions at that time. It just sucks when I come across a card or something that is full of lies related to affection and commitment. The kicker was the gift of being betrayed in Vegas on my birthday. She was one awesome lady.

Anyway, more interesting things. NASA flew the space shuttle into orbit to perform some repairs. Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but maybe those things do need to be retired if we have to work on them on the side of the space highway. That is definitely not my idea of what the future held for space travel. I was thinking lightsabers, spaceships with holographic chess, lightspeed, other planets, at least the moon, but we haven't really seen anything that great yet besides our janky-ass space station with foil up over the windows to keep the sun out like some monogalactic crack den. NASA really has to do something cool and quick before the astronauts come back and have grease up to their elbows because they had a bad fan belt or had to replace an air filter in space.

CBGBs, the icon of the punk movement is in danger of closing it's doors forever. Some blame 9/11, but you would think just from the merchandising of T-shirts or coasters or mousepads, they would be okay. That's the problem with being about the music, though. You take some money and pay DJs to play crap and you will do fine, however you stick to your guns and support quality music and you are doomed against a DJ in a club who will play all of that crap that the money toting sheep have been programmed to enjoy. The sad part is that they really think they are enjoying it because they know no better.

Should probably try and go back to work. In case anyone has been reading this, I have been a horrible host, just haven't felt real inspired to post lately.

Time Takes Time Takes Time

Did a wedding last weekend that was pretty fresh to the divorce. So fresh that there was a seat for my wife next to me that we rapidly filled at our table with a friend who was sitting at a less cool table. The drinking experiment was very successful as I kept my composure and was relatively charming for the majority of the night. Ended up getting back to my car at 7:00 AM the next morning and back home at 8:00 AM. I managed to sleep until noon and then test our database at work as we did some maintenance on it over the weekend. Gamer.

The only thing was Monday and Tuesday were rough on me. I'm hoping it was just exhaustion or emotional fallout from the wedding as it was mutual friends and it was a wedding. Hung in there, though and put up a good fight. No drinking because I was sad or lonely or anything like that. Just read, played guitar and relaxed. At this point, I am comfortable with the present and future, but still hurt about what's behind me and what WE lost. I may be delusional and way off, but I thought that we had something that was pretty good. The sad part is that no one can make me feel better at this point, not even her. A time machine would be the only thing that could help either move me forward or move me back to before she wrecked everything or perhaps in her eyes fixed everything. I'm not blind to there being two sides to every story, but in my eyes we both lost out and nobody really won. I don't think I'm that awesome and in fact, probably 1 in 150 not million, but we were pretty good friends aside from being husband and wife. Regardless, making it through today will feel like an accomplishment. Five hours to go.

Last thing, after bouncing it off family and friends there is absolutely no way, no matter if I am not drinking or anything, that I can attend my friend's wedding who is marrying my ex-wife's sister. No way. An out of country blackout with no cell phone would be a better alternative for everyone. I'll see if anything changes in the next month, though. Will probably just stop by with a toaster and a handshake prior to the wedding and say congratulations.

How boring. Today is all about me. Haven't been inspired lately. Perhaps if I have a few this weekend I will post and be funny.

Today's Pro Tips:
Benefit of the Doubt means assume the worst.

When chipping onto the green try putting your feet together and your hands in front of the ball on your downswing-keep your head down.

Get out of REITs before the real estate bubble bursts.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three make a left in San Francisco.

Far Better or Far Worse

Feeling real bad for the last couple of days. I guess it would be depressed. Just low self-confidence, lonely and a little sad, but putting up a good front and putting up a good fight. Therapist says that I need to let it happen and not fight it, but that sounds miserable. So, going into the weekend I am not supposed to worry about how much I smoke, if I am eating enough or if I am acting all right. I just feel like I am crazy and can't be around other people because they will think that I am weird. However, it is going to get worse before it gets better, which sucks, because I felt that I had already bottomed out and that things would only improve as time went on. This is not true, I guess. Hopefully, it is just a stall. Anyway, the world is not going to pull over and wait for me, so I've gotta push it along.

I am tracking my smoking in a spreadsheet to try and figure out how horrible it is going to be for me to quit based on a report by the Royal College of Physicians in London. Based on what I read, I got rid of the morning smoke with coffee and now I am trying to push it out later and later until I can make it until the end of the day. According to the report, there is no effect related with smoking that alleviates stress and instead it may aggravate it. This doesn't make sense to me because I swear it makes me feel better, but it may not be the actual smoking.

Michael Bay is going to direct a live-action version of transformers. While all the dorks are dressed up as Autobots and Decepticons I will be the one in the fake moustache so I can keep my street cred coolness. Hundred bucks says G.I. Joe the movie is made next. "Uh, American movie-going population? Hollywood left this message for you. It says: Dear movie-going public we are totally out of ideas so we will just remake everything until we can start remaking the remakes. P.S. - We are going to start basing movies on commercials and company trademarks to just cut through the shit, so look for Cap'N Crunch the movie. Here is the synopsis: The Cap'n and his crew called the Crunchberries are looking for the long missing General Mills' treasure of delightful and nutritious goodness enriched with Vitamin B in the cape of the Rusty Spoon."

Fianlly, Joe Buck should punch himself in the face for being such a slave to the man. Of course, it is hard to find this one in USA Today because they would lose advertisers. Joe Buck pointed out a planned banner which was a plug for a new model of Chevy. Call me crazy, but is he trying to make it into the Carson Daly Hall of Fame for sucking up to the man? Next, you will see him kicking it in the Hamptons with Tara Reid, Kid Rock and Tom Brady. Bob Costas kicks the ass of him in street cred, man. I'm not going to advocate shooting your television a la the King, unless you have a backup, but watch with caution. You may be being hypnotized.

Until next post, I will be hanging in there doing my (no)thing and taking calls from my mom, dad and sister.

Crab Feed

Getting super crabby today. A woman ordered a Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel this morning at Starbucks and I wanted to hit her in the back of the head to try and make our civilization a better place. She should've just asked for a banana and scoop of ice cream in it and really gone for it this morning. Speaking of that, chicken fries at Burger King brilliant or crazy? The meat shake a la Ugly Duckling is so close. Taste the secret, man.

Also, new gripe. The spelling of vaccuum totally bugs me. It's like the multiple allowable spellings of Cancelled (Canceled). We should pass something and choose one. I like the double "L" myself.

What is the real problem going on with me is what I need to figure out. Of course, it bothers me that I have a wife that doesn't love me anymore and is dating someone else. I don't know much, but that almost makes it worse. How can she be normal and happy when my life feels like a Where's Waldo cartoon, just meaningless and confusing...and dumb and played out. However, just like the last election, you can be pissed, but if you are pissed it is an uphill battle and useless. You can just accept or wallow and usually those waver.

DRINKING. Yes, I do it again, occasionally. It's an experiment. I am starting another phase to see if I quit again if I will feel better. I didn't feel better before when I had quit for 7 weeks so the two things could be unrelated. On the fence about AA again, though.

Apartment is coming along. Need some bookshelves and and need to put all the DVDs away, but I can cook things, work at my computer and have a good couch to sit on. Need to finish the living room, have a housewarming party with my three friends and my mom and dad. Then, I can start working on the bedroom. The toilet is crooked I think. I haven't set a level on it yet, but it is starting to bother me a little bit.

SMOKING. Hate that I smoke, but I think it is helping me when I feel overwhelmed lately. All mental, of course. I am so mental lately. I am going to try and chart the number of cigarettes that I smoke a day in a spreadsheet. I'll put the chart on my fridge. Also, want to quit smoking in my car and also quit smoking at half time during soccer games. Missed 4 goals last Sunday. That is sad. Don't know if that is related to smoking. New experiment.

When will this therapy start working. I should probably just take the meds and forget any of this is happening. Speaking of meds, I am off of Tylenol PM to sleep. Finally, I get a point in this crappy game. At least it won't be a clean sheet.

Here are some cool things:
The Rasterbator
Dynamo from Trader Joe's mixed with Pelligrino
Sondra Lerche-Norway's Donovan
The Decemberists-Brilliant songwriting and all their gear got stolen earlier this year so support them by buying shirts and crap
Daryl Hall has Lyme Disease-You would think this would be John Oates chance to throw the game winning touchdown, but instead the men who brought you H2O would rather reschedule the end of the game. You could tell John Oates had thrown in the towel when he shaved off his moustache.

Well....?BUTRIN

I can tell how good I am feeling on a particular day by the amount of cigarettes that I smoke before noon, which is gross anyway. I was down to 1 to 3 a day before my wife and I got separated. One thing about this whole situation is that I will never spell separate wrong again. So, anyway, this morning when I was getting ready for work I saw Wellbutrin, Zoloft and a box of Nicotine patches in my medicine cabinet. None of them have been opened because I am trying to do this on my own, but I have been thinking about quitting smoking.

If I could take a pill and never want to smoke again, would I take it? I don't know. It's kind of like Madison in Splash. Would I want to give up being a mermaid forever to be with Tom Hanks? No. Or how about when Superman gave up his powers to be with Lois Lane in the movie. He then gets his ass handed to him in a bar fight. All of a sudden, he is not such a big fan of not having superpowers. He goes back, so in this example, figuratively starts smoking again. This actually is a recurring theme in many myths and stories. I guess smoking isn't a talent or superpower, though. An argument to that would be Michael Madsen, who makes smoking look so good...

I was playing my guitar last night with my screendoor open and my neighbor introduced himself and commented on my Hammer-Ons. So awesome.