Of Pop Music and Baseball

So, people are straight trippin' on how well Amy Winehouse did at the Grammy's. She still looks like a hobo with her three teeth and giant head, regardless of how many Grammy's she won. "Rehab" is a cool song, but it's not like pantsdroppingly awesome with it's retrocrooning vibe. It's the secret crooners era with the Bubles and the Grobans and all that vomit inducing slop. They are like Celine's with penises and better looking faces. The list of Grammy nominees was a desolate miscategorized mishmash of mostly shit. I found like three bands that I would get behind and root for, but they were in the way wrong categories for their music. It just brings home how out of touch the music industry is with both their consumers and themselves.

Anyway, the point is that in the music business you can basically have a needle in your arm as a performance enhancer and it's encouraged. Now, when you compare that to baseball there are fucking two years of congressional hearings and reports. Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down.

Let them play baseball while enhancing their performance. Isn't that the idea? When people weren't hitting enough home runs to keep the fans interested, the league juiced the balls. Honestly, rather than juice the balls just make the beer cheaper. It would be a way better experience for everyone including the stroller set that isn't watching the game anyway. They would have a reason to call the usher to have the guy yelling "Fuck You, Chavy" removed from the stadium.

The NFL does the same thing amending their rulebook every year to favor offenses and protect more expensive players. The tuck rule, fumble rules, etc...work against the defense and pussify the sport. Plus, if Jefferson Starship built this city on rock and roll, football built their city on advertising. The field is starting to look like the hood of a NASCAR and it is about as smooth as sand toilet paper. There are breaks that aren't even official timeouts so that Cialis can pitch you. It soils the game that has a relative spotting of the ball that is scrutinized, but never verifiable nor accurate to an inch. Honestly, if refs played favorites there would be no way to objectify the subjectivity. Chip the ball.

So, back to the music part. Imagine if congress, in an effort to protect you, the customer, from unfair practices in music via performance enhancers, opened up congressional hearings and third party investigations to level the playing field of music. It sounds ridiculous, but perhaps you think it doesn't apply because "Hugh, it's just entertainment, it's not sport. Illegal drugs can't enhance performance." Bullshit. Professional sports at the top level while normally being impressive are more entertainment than sport. Terrel Owens. Ocho Cinco. Beckham. Further, look at entertainers that used to be funny on the popular performance enhancer cocaine. Hmmm. When do you think Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd quit using cocaine or "China White" as they call it on the street? Dan Akroyd can be pinpointed as being rehabbed on Caddyshack 2 and Chevy Chase would probably be pegged clean in Funny Farm without looking at IMDB. It's just sad, really. Imagine Jimi Hendrix on chai tea. Way less awesome.

In all these examples the artist or athlete are putting themselves and their kids in the example of NFL quarterbacks at risk for you the fan or general audience. It's why the NFL is one of the largest supporters of the United Way. Most of their kids are in it. It could be a coincidence, but so could the fact that the average gay ratio does not apply to an NFL locker room. There is no way that there are not at least like 5 gay NFLers. No way. Jimi died early because of drugs. Kurt Cobain died early because of drugs and a horrible wife. Lyle Alzado's head exploded. Mark McGuire's kid has a giant head. High school athletes hearts are stopping while they emulate their heroes. Yet Keith Richards is still alive after being the Evel Kneivel of the genre challenging death to take him down at life's every turn. It's some kind of entertainment darwinism. Somebody needs to commission a study on the relationship between height of popularity and drug use and see that sometimes there are people on the far right and far left of the bell curve and that there is a celebrity version of death on a treadmill (far left) and Keith Richards (far right).

So, yeah. Call baseball entertainment and let them play the way they let Donna graduate in BH 90210 (Did they let her walk?) and call it a day. Seriously, nobody really gives a fuck except for overcompensating senators that smell of expensive DC callgirls and baseball businessmen who looked the other way at a pile of money rather at the needle in the asses of their moneymakers.